Verse: Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, Lord, my faithful God. - Psalms 31:5Topic: How do I know when I'm hearing God's voice?
Personal Piece: It never ceases to amaze me how God works. I usually choose the topic for these posts the week before actually writing it but every week that topic ends up being exactly what I needed to learn as well. The word I wrote down at the beginning of this week was "Choices" and I am in a place right now where I have to make a pretty big choice that will effect the rest of my life. I have to make a choice to stay where I am out of fear or take action against mistreatment. I've always been the type of person who doesn't make any move until I have everything figured out. I like to know I'll be able to fly before I take the leap so it's a little scary to be standing here on the edge without any wings. In my head I know God will catch me but my flesh tells me it's safer to just stay on land where it's safe. And so I wait...
Thought of the Week: Butterflies are absolutely amazing creatures. I'm sure you've heard them in numerous illustrations as examples of transformation but let's talk about them again. The caterpillar is fat and slow and is constantly hungry. It may be happy to sit on it's little branch and eat leaves all day but it isn't truly free. We as the observer know it has the potential to fly one day, we know that there is more to its life then it's chubby existence and we wait excitedly for that transformation. Then one day the critter gets tired of eating and decides to spin this web all the way around itself and hides itself away from the world. Then comes my favorite part, the caterpillar literally turns into goo everything that once made it a caterpillar is stripped away and melted down. Then the miracle happens that goo restructures itself into something stronger and when that shell breaks away something completely different appears.
We are all like butterflies and like butterflies we start as caterpillars. We're slow, fat and hungry. I'm not talking on a physical level but on a spiritual level. We hunger for something to fill the deep longing of our souls and no matter how much we eat we just aren't full. We could be eating the good stuff too, maybe you're feeding your soul on the word of God, but if it's not sinking in then they're just words that will leave you still hungry. We get fat on the diet of this world, filling our souls with media and gossip in the hopes that it will satisfy but it doesn't and the "fatter" we get the "slower" we get. You know what I'm talking about: anger, fear, doubt, jealousy, confusion, addiction, pride, guilt. All leading up to the devourer of souls...depression.
I call depression the devourer because it is the end result of any number of issues, it is the effect, not the cause. when you are angry or afraid or jealous, people can see that, they can confront you and help you but when those emotions hit their max a person falls into depression. Depression is numbness, it's reaching a point where you're so sick of the problem that you forget there even is a problem. Many depressed can smile and laugh, they can have deep conversations and expose their heart to others, not all depressed stay in bed or find they have no appetite though that would be too easy. If you pay attention and you'll see how rarely people's smiles reach their eyes, how fake the laughter is, you'll realize that you talk about yourself more than you talk about them and that there is always one area that they skirt in conversation.
The depressed are those that have been eating and eating of this world but they are tired of eating. Like the caterpillar they have reached their max. They're tired of the lies, tired of the garbage but they're not sure how to get off the branch. What caterpillar's do instinctively, we have to choose. As mindless insects they don't know what will happen when they make their cocoon but we do. We know that making this choice is going to turn us into goo. We're not ready to be melted down. It seems much safer to stay on our little branch and since it's expected we keep on eating. We're afraid of what will happen once we're defenseless inside that cocoon so we choose instead to remain in the comfort of our depression.
But let me tell you something: God is the cocoon. While you're in the process of getting turned to goo he will hold you together. When everything that you are gets melted down he will protect you. He won't let you go until you are ready. The same God who performs the miracle in each individual butterfly will do the same in you he will take the goo that you become and reform it into something even more beautiful. What's amazing is that nothing is added or subtracted from that goo it's just restructured. God doesn't turn you into a completely different person he just shows you how to use what you already have to fly. When a butterfly breaks out it leaves its cocoon behind but we don't leave God behind our cocoon of safety becomes the sky. The never-ending vastness that we get to enjoy for the rest of our lives.
So how do you know when you are hearing God's voice? If you're asking this question you're probably back on the branch. The thing about us fickle humans is that far too often we return to the branch even after we've become a butterfly. We have the whole sky above us and the delicious nectar of heaven's flower to drink from but we start looking down on that tree with it's fattening leaves and we miss it. We go back and before long our wings fall off and we're a caterpillar again. Thankfully it gets easier, the pain isn't so bad the second time it's easier when you know what it's like to fly but we still have to go through the process, still have to spend time in the cocoon.
So if you're on the tree (whether you returned or never left) make sure you are feeding your soul a healthy diet of truth from the word of God. Even when it doesn't seem to fill your longing the truth is what will prepare you for your time in the cocoon. It's like reading a love letter but never meeting your lover in person you can fall in love with the words and the heart but you will not have the full picture until you see his face. Like the caterpillar's instinct, God will tell you when it is time to get in the cocoon and the more depressed you are, the more lost you feel, the harder he is calling you. Depression is a resistance to the life we know we are meant to live, it is a resistance to change and a surrendering to life on the branch. Don't surrender, don't be afraid. Let him enclose you in his love and then enjoy the freedom he brings.
Digging Deeper: For more info on butterflies you can visit answersingenesis.org where you can find a very detailed explanation of everything that happens to a butterfly from egg to death. Including all the small changes it goes through before the cocoon. There are many other articles online but this was by far the most detailed I found.
If you are struggling with depression a great book I have used in the past is "Moving Beyond Depression" by Gregory Jantz.
For those who know someone who is struggling understand that being there for them is the best solution. It does no good to push someone off the branch before they've got wings of their own. We are butterflies not birds. But there are things that help. Depressed people will often use the excuse of being tired when they are depressed. I will frequently ask people "Are you tired cause you physically tired or emotionally tired?" The answer is a good launching place for a conversation on depression. Conversations with depressed people can be frustrating on both ends so be patient. Many depressed people do not know how to talk about it because people do not ask. The cause is something that was lost long ago and they will have to find it again. More than likely deep emotions have also been shut off so be patient and don't stop trying.
Fun Fact: This entry was supposed to be another installment of the story of Peter, focusing on his choosing to follow Christ but when I started writing the word butterfly came into my head and greatly took over. So these words were entirely from God to me and now to you.
The title came from the idea of the Big Bang where the world was created from goo. While I don't believe in the Big Bang or evolution the transition from caterpillar to butterfly is much like a Big Bang inside of us. Something is formed from the nothingness or the goo of our pasts.
Challenge: Just meditate this week on this idea of being a caterpillar and determine what is holding you back from entering that cocoon. If you left before, why did you go back? If you are depressed what is causing it because that is what is probably holding it back. What Big Bang choice do you have to make?
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