My Confession

Verse:

During the days of Jesus' life on earth. he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission - Hebrews 5:7

Thought of the Week

Have you ever taken a moment to contemplate the concept of Jesus?  He is human and God...human AND God.  It's a dilemma that has never really worked in my mind.  I can grasp the trinity, grasp why he had to die, I can make sense of his greatness as much as my feeble, finite mind is allowed, I can accept the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in my life and logically accept that he has chosen me as his bride.  These are all difficult things to explain and I know that there is still so much that is unrevealed but I can work it out in my mind to come to a place to accept it.  But Jesus?  I just can't make logical sense of him.  

It's his youth that I can't seem to grasp.  OK so he's 100% God just with flesh.  Ok, I can grasp that but now he's an impersonal being who seems distant.  Of course he overcame temptation he's God!  Of course he would go to the cross!  Of course, he would love unconditionally that's who God is.  But telling us to be like him or even do greater things than him?  That seems far-fetched.  How am I supposed to come even close to being like a Being that is so far above me.  Being 100% God sure seems like an unfair advantage.  But at least that makes sense in my head.

I can even make sense of him being 100% human.  Now he's relatable, a great man who went through the same struggles I do and yet changed the world.  I can gain inspiration from this man and his teachings.  I can find encouragement in his story just as any other Biblical story.  I can be inspired and motivated by the miracles he preformed.  But I'm 100% human and I know the temptation and distractions of this life.  I know that part of being human is to make mistakes, to stumble, to occasionally cave to the pressure.  Jesus couldn't have been 100% human if he didn't even mess up as a child, that just seems unrealistic.  

And so now I'm back to square one:  He didn't mess up because he's God but if he's God, then he's a human with an unfair advantage.  How can Jesus be both.  I can accept God as this ultimate good who is so far above my imagining I would never dare to question his methods.  I can accept the Holy Spirit who is gentle like a breath of wind when I need encouragement, and yet fierce like a turbulent storm when I need correcting.  I can accept a Jesus who is completely God and therefore all-powerful and magnificent and worthy to be praised.  I can accept a Jesus who is completely human and therefore relatable and understanding and a perfect friend.  I can grasp the trinity because though they are the same, they are also of three distinct characters.  All these things have categories within my mind in which they fit...except Jesus.

I realize now that I have always put Jesus into two separate boxes, only opening one at a time because opening both would be overwhelming.   So instead, in times of trials, I am left with only have a picture: either a weak man who understands but can do nothing about it, or a strong God who could care less how I feel.  Even as I write this I am overwhelmed at the weight of what this has meant for my life and for my faith.  It's as if I have been serving two God's all along under the guise of Christianity.

I think in deepest recesses of my soul, far from where even my eyes can see, I have always seen Jesus as something of a fraud.  It sounds blasphemous even to type it but it's true.  It's like watching a close friend die a tragic death and someone telling you they know how you feel because they had a dog who died once.  How can GOD relate to ME?  How can God look down on my guilt, my fear, my pain and tell me that he honestly understands what I'm going through.  I know Jesus went through pain and trials but he was God so of course he overcame.  It feels like I just found out that my best friend was manipulating me with a sob story that isn't even true.

I don't want to feel this way anymore.  I want to see JESUS the same way I see the rest of the trinity. I want to be left in awe of the entire trinity, not just father and Holy Spirit.  I want to trust him the way I always say I do.  I don't want him to be distant.  I don't want to see him as a sham.  I don't want to get an unexplainable discomfort whenever I hear his name.  I want Jesus to be familiar to me, I want to combine the boxes and be overwhelmed by his true nature, even though it baffles me.  I want to know him, truly know him and see where he takes me.

Digging Deeper: 

If reading this entry has stirred the same questions in your mind or brought to the surface your own skewed views of God (any part of him) please join me in searching for answers.  I personally will be diving into the gospels as I examine the life of Jesus in a brand new way over the next few months.

I am also looking for studies and commentaries that dig deeper into Jesus life and teaching if you have any suggestions.

Feel free to share your own experiences or questions in the comments below.

My Favorite Fairy Tale

Verse:  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know
in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. - 1 Corinthians 13:12

Topic: What happens after this life?

Personal Piece: All my life I've had a particular interest in stories that are "out of this world". Whether it be fantasy or science-fiction, superheroes or futuristic dystopian societies; I have always loved stories that took everything I knew about the world and threw it out the window.  The stranger the world the more it attracts me.  But by far my favorite worlds to escape to are those in fantasy settings.  Even though science-fiction can get far wilder there is something magical (pun intended) about a good fantasy.  I love dragons, the renaissance feel of a good sword fight, the witty dialogue, the adventure.  As I launch the process of my 2nd novel I have recently been asking myself a lot about what makes a good story.  What is it that keeps me reading a story or watching episode after episode?  What changed that made me lose interest?  Along with those question has come another question far more profound...but I'm getting ahead of myself

Thought of the Week:  Let's be honest we all long for it: a world that is black-and-white.  To be able to look at someone and be able to instantly categorize them as good or evil.  If you were a kid prior to the 21st century then you probably grew up with stories that were filled with black-and-white. Growing up in the 90's my siblings and I, always knew who the villains were, we never had to worry about our favorite characters betraying us and the villains were never redeemed.  Villains were villains and always would be and our heroes never wavered to do the right thing.  That's what we long for isn't it?  To be justified in our anger towards villains, to know without doubt that the people we look up to will never fail us?

Then in the early 2000's someone did something that had not really been done before.  They wrote a story from the villains perspective and everything about storytelling changed.  Fourteen years later stories have become filled with grey and black-and-white has gone by the wayside.  Now don't get me wrong I love seeing villains redeemed.  I love seeing how they were hurt too and just made the wrong choices.  I love seeing my heroes struggle in the same ways I struggle.  That's what makes me connect to them.  I think it's normal for us as humans to long for something more.  We connect with fantasy because we want to believe that there is something beyond this mundane life we are living.

Even if that other world is full of evil it's gotta be more exciting then eating, sleeping and going to work everyday.  We want to find a secret world in our wardrobes, find an old hermit who tells us we were born to be a Jedi, get our Hogwarts letter in the mail or become the unexpected voice of a rebellion.  Now I want to tell you the story of my all-time favorite "Out of This World" story are you ready?  Once upon a time there was a prince and a princess who lived a in a perfect and beautiful kingdom.  They had everything their heart desired.  One day the princess was tending the orchard in the garden when a stranger showed up and placed both her and the prince under a horrible spell.

The spell caused them to forget who they were and corrupted their sight.  No longer could they see the beautiful world that they had grown up in, the trees of the garden were replaced by horrid buildings, the sun stopped shining as much as it used to and they no longer recognized their father.  The spell effected their hearing as well so they could no longer hear the truth when others tried to remind them that they were royalty.  The prince got a job in the inn and the princess found that her body was something that others were willing to buy.  They lived in poverty and in constant fear that what little they had would be taken away.

Now here's why this story is my all-time favorite:  It is 100% true.  You are that prince or princess. Your sight and hearing have been corrupted by the spell of sin.  We all love stories of good vs. evil - well you're living one right now.  There is a secret world hiding in your prayer closet, you were born to be a spiritual warrior, you can pick up your letter from any book store, and you are the voice of the rebellion.  You just have to open your eyes to see beyond the layers of this world.  You have to allow your heart to be awakened to the truth of who you are.  You are a prince, a princess, a son, a daughter of the King of Kings.  You are in a gray world that crashes every day with the world of black-and-white.

There is such a thing as pure evil and pure good but we are creatures of gray that are caught in the middle.  What we tend to forget though is that it is ultimately our choice which side we join.  Yahweh did not create us to be mere pawns that just float wherever the battle drags us.  We weren't meant to ride the tsunami to whichever shore it happens to take us.  We were created to choose a side and fight for that side.  Unfortunately, to choose not to fight is to choose the side of evil.  We are all predisposed in our blindness to live in darkness.  It is far harder to live in the light than it is to live in the darkness.

Ask yourself: why do the heroes in dystopian stories fight back once they find out that the people are under some kind of mind control.  Their friends and family are happy but they are not free.  In the same way those who live for themselves are living under the illusion that they are free but that is only because they have believed a lie, been born into a brainwashed world.  If you have accepted Christ then you are awake to the truth.  You have stopped taking your daily injection of lies and are seeing the world as it is.  If you are still resisting Jesus then you not seeing.  You might be with the majority but that is only because the enemy is keeping you on his drugs of pleasure.  He's keeping his eyes on yourself so that you will not see that there is something beyond your seeing.  Open your eyes.  It is time to awaken to the truth.  To know who you are and see!

Digging Deeper: For more on awaking to who you truly are check out Ted Dekker's Forgotten Way study found here.  If you would rather read the Forgotten Way in fiction form you can check out a number of his novels.  Including AD 30 and AD 33 which are historical fiction taking place during the time of Jesus.  The Books of Mortals Trilogy about a young man in a future dystopian time who finds a vial of blood that awakens him to the truth of the world he lives in.  The Circle Series about a man who finds he is connected to another world through his dreams.  The Seer Series by his daughter Rachelle Dekker also deals with this theme of hidden identity.  It is about a woman who grew up in a society that told her she was worthless until she meets a man who wakens her to the truth of who she is.

The apostle Peter tells us in 1 Peter 2:11 that we are aliens and strangers in this world and Jesus tells us in John 17:16 that we are in the world but not of it.  This is not our home and these are not our true bodies.  Our true bodies do not decay or feel pain.  We are only borrowing the things of this world until we are allowed to return home.

Challenge:  I really challenge you to take Ted Dekker's Forgotten Way course.  I am halfway through it and it is truly eye-opening and life changing.

The Father's Heart

Verse:  Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out "Abba, Father."  So you are no longer a slave, but God's child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. - Galatians 4:6-7

Topic: Who does God say I am?

Personal Piece:  Today is Father's Day so I want to take a minute to spotlight the man who has had the role of my father in this life.  He has taught me many things throughout my 24 years of life but my favorite thing about him has always been how involved he has been in my life.  Whether it be family vacations, nightly dinners, weekly movie nights, playing board games or surprise breakfast dates he always found ways to show each of his children that he loved being our dad.  Now that we're all adults he stays involved in our lives through social media and phone calls and gives us advice when we need it.  And even though all four of us have separate lives now, we all manage to find a way to come home for the holidays because he instilled within us the importance of being together.

Thought of the Week:  My favorite thing about my dad is also my favorite thing about my Abba God.  Just as my father has always been heavily involved in my life, God has been a major part of my life.  He's always there to spend time with me and give me guidance when I need it.  But things haven't always gone well in either of those relationships for me.  We always have points in our lives when we struggle with our relationships with our parents.  We don't understand why they give us certain instructions.  We demand to know why they judge us, why they don't love us?  We're too blinded by our own pride to see that discipline leads to strength.

When I was in college I came across the idea of "God-figures" the people in our lives who shape our idea of who God is.  These "God-figures" are often authority figures such as parents, teachers or pastors but can sometimes take the forms of siblings or friends.  Unfortunately these figures are not always good representations.  As finite humans we all make mistakes but sometimes we tend to put certain Christian authorities on pedestals.  My father is a pastor.  All my life I've seen well-meaning people look to him as some kind of representative of Jesus, expecting more from him than he could give and becoming offended when he couldn't.  I heard the high praise they gave him while seeing his fleshly struggles behind the scenes.

Our parents are the number one "God-figures" in our lives and especially our father's but unfortunately in the 21st century that image has become more and more tainted.  Often we don't even realize that we are projecting the image of our earthly fathers onto God.  If your father is emotionally unavailable you might see God as distant or uncaring of what happens in you.  If your parents divorced in your early years, you may see God as unpredictable, who might leave at a moments notice.  If your father is angry, you might see God as someone whose love you have to earn and all the bad things in life as his punishments.  If you never knew your father, you might see God as someone whose opinion doesn't matter.  If your father was lenient, you might see God as a grandfather in the sky who grants your wishes if you have good karma.

All these images are so damaging, not to God, because God can't be threatened by our fickle imaginations and misconceptions.  But they're damaging to us who believe them.  For many years I saw God's love as something I had to earn, I did everything right, and buried the things that weren't.  I became so proficient at hiding even I didn't know what I looked like under the layers of roles I hid behind.  I thought if I did everything right, God would be proud and he would reward me.  So when bad things came my way, I believed that God was angry at me, I believed he was punishing me for something so I continued to scrape away at my sin, trying to be better and better, looking for a mask that he would be proud of...but all along he just wanted me to take it all off and let it go.

Here's the thing about the way God sees us (a concept I'm still trying to grasp): When God sees you, he doesn't see the person you see when you look in the mirror.  He doesn't even look at all the garbage thoughts and sins in your heart.  He can see it sure, but if you've invited him to be a part of your life then he chooses to block the darkness in you from his view.  Instead when he looks at you, he sees the man or woman he created you to be, he sees the finished product, he sees a child who's still learning to walk and who sometimes falls.  When you fall he doesn't get angry, he smiles because you're still learning and you're trying.  He reaches down and picks you up and wipes away your tears and then places you back on your feet to try again.  You have to stand before you can walk and walk before you can run and run before you can dance and dance before you can fly.

If you were the child of the president of some big business, then you would have the promise of inheriting a portion of that business.  If you were the child of a millionaire than you wouldn't have to worry about money.  If you were the child of a celebrity you would know that just speaking your father's name will get you into important events.  If you were the child of a king you could use daddy's name to get whatever you wanted.  God claims us as his children and as his children the roles and identities this world puts on us melt away.  It doesn't matter who our earthly father is (good or bad), it doesn't matte if we're rich or if we'll get some great inheritance.  This life is just a reflection of our true roles as his children.

We will inherit the earth as God's children.  We don't have to worry because we are God's children.  Speaking our father's name can move mountains.  All we have to do is ask and our father will grant our requests.  He is in possession of everything, he is richer and more powerful than any human who might stand in our way.  When we begin to fully grasp what it means to be his child.  When we fully remove the masks that we put on and look at our true selves then everything changes.  We have to take our eyes off of the darkness that Satan tells us is truth and off of the tainted image we believe is who we are.  Instead we need to point our eyes toward God and his truth.  He says we're already complete, he says we already have our inheritance, he says we need only ask, he says everything in this world is fickle compared to what he has in store, he says not to worry because he's in control.  It's hard to grasp, but I choose to believe it.  I choose to believe that I am complete even when I feel broken.  Will you choose the same?

Digging Deeper:  The last two entries were inspired by Ted Dekker's "The Forgotten Way" Study. To go on the adventure yourself you can check it out here.

For more about "God-figures" check out "God Unwrapped" by Michelle Hollomon

To read what God says about being his children check out Galatians 3:23-4:7 also check out Hebrews Chapter 1 for more about our inheritance in Christ.

Extra Thoughts: 1) Like the father in the Prodigal Son, God gives us our inheritance now (time and talents) and it is our responsibility to determine how we spend it. 2) A popular story dynamic is children being held for ransom because of the importance of their parents.  As God's children we should not see ourselves as the exception.  2nd Timothy 3:12 tells us that there are no exceptions.  If we are God's children we WILL experience persecution.

Challenge:  As you reflect on the father figures in your life this Father's Day take some time to think about your father in heaven.  Take some time to read the passages listed above and reflect on Matthew 23:9 and Luke 14:26.  How do these verses make you feel?  Take some time to write and pray your thoughts as you reflect on God as a father and what that means for you as his child.

Roller Coaster of Life

Verse:  There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love. - 1 John 4:18

Topic: Is God punishing me?

Personal Piece:  When I was growing up, I hated roller coasters.  I hated the feeling you get in your stomach when the ground drops out from under you and your plummeting at 80 mph toward the ground and even worse the horrible anticipation as you climb slooooowly into the sky knowing when you hit the top you're going to fall.  As I've gotten older, I've developed a love/hate relationship with the contraptions. I still hate the feeling of falling and the climbing has given me minor panic attacks on more than one occasion.  So why do I keep going on them?

Thought of the Week:  Life can be such a roller coaster sometimes.  So many ups and downs and twists and turns that jolt us this way and that.  Sometimes they're bigger than we imagined and keep going long after we thought they'd be done.  Others are short but follow in quick succession of each other.  Sometimes the drops are hardly more than bumps in the road but sometimes they are plummeting ninety degree drops that take your breath away and leave you wondering why you ever thought strapping yourself into that monster.  When we get to the end, heart pumping, gasping for breath...smile on our face(?) we long for the next one.  Why?

I think it has something to do with our inner desire for adventure, the thrill of facing our fears and knowing we're strong enough to beat them.  The sense of accomplishment that comes with tackling a roller coaster that was bigger than the last one.  It's in our nature, it's why we find amusement in a park designed around one of our basest fears (no one likes falling).  It's why we play sports that we know could hurt us physically, it's why we take the first step in relationships that know can hurt us emotionally, it's why we take tests that we know can define our future, and go to interviews for jobs that might fall through.  We take risks and face the fear of rejection in the hopes that what comes after will be worth it.

Of course this doesn't make the "Roller Coasters of Life" any less terrifying.  Sitting across from an interviewer or manager who holds your career in your hands is still daunting.  So are first dates, big games, important tests, and and confronting friends.  We do them because we must and we do them to move forward.  If you're in an amusement park you don't sit on the sidewalk and wait for your friends to return.  You don't stand in the line and then skip to the exit when you get there.  It gets boring if you only ride the Ferris Wheel and Merry-Go-Round.  Circles get old real fast when all your friends are riding coasters.

It's the same with our lives we have to go through some ups-and-downs to really experience what life has to offer.  We have to take risks and just as we trust the metal bars that hold the coaster in the air, we have to trust our all-powerful God to hold us up when we take some leaps.  Thankfully he's much more reliable than some bits of metal.  God didn't design us to ride the Merry-Go-Round all our lives (though he does give us pockets of rest on occasion).  He created us each for a unique adventure design only for us.

All my life I've been taught that God gives each person different experiences.  We shouldn't compare what he's doing in our lives to what he's doing in others.  He knows the best way to each of our hearts and has a unique way of communicating with each of us.  But lately I've learned that he takes it even a step farther.  God doesn't communicate with us the same way that he used to.  What does that mean?  Well, it means that if you've been a Christian for any length of time (20 years in my case) then you're probably not the same person you were when you first gave your life to Jesus.  If you're not the same person then God's not going to communicate with you the same way.

Some people get confused because they know that God is supposed to be the same "yesterday, today and forever" (Heb 13:8).  They wonder why they can't hear God anymore when they're doing the same things they used to do in high school and giving God the same amount of time they gave him last year when all those great things were happening.  At least that's what happened to me.  But then I realized that God isn't the one who's changed.  I am!  I'm not in high school or college anymore, I don't have the same understanding of God.  He hasn't changed but I have gotten to know him better and as I've matured he's revealed more of himself to me and that's changed the dynamics of our relationship in a variety of different ways.

If you can't hear God it doesn't mean that he's punishing you.  Jesus doesn't accuse us, we do a pretty good job of that ourselves (John 5:45).  Jesus doesn't need to punish us, our own sin does a fine job of sentencing us.  He came only to love us and show us a better way.  He came to show us how to walk in this life and he's not disappointed when we stumble.  He's not disappointed when we choose the Merry-Go-Round for the seventeenth time because you're still nervous about trying something bigger.  And he doesn't ask us to go on a roller coaster when we're still to scared to go on the Ferris Wheel.  He takes our hand and says "To take our time".  He doesn't care that he paid $60 dollars to sit on the sidewalk and eat cotton candy.  He just wants to spend time with you.  He chooses to go at our pace, he chooses to meet you where you're at, he chooses to rejoice in our accomplishments even if they seem silly in the long run.  He chooses us and that is the most beautiful and mysterious adventure of all.

Digging Deeper: This entry was inspired by Parable of the Prodigal Son found in Luke 15:11-34.  Specifically the part where the Father grants his sons request and gives him his inheritance.  Though the son spoke deeply insulting words to his father, and his father knew he would squander everything, he did not hold it against him in the slightest.  He knew that his son needed to go on this journey and that it would give him a new understanding of his father's love for him.  Thankfully for us, God goes on the journey with us.

Challenge: We all have a lot of ups-and-downs in our lives, sometimes the beauty the beauty of the journey can be paled by the threat of danger surrounding us.  Take some time to appreciate the things in your life that are going great.  If you're in a good place right now embrace and enjoy it because nothing comes to stay.  If you're in a bad place right now thank God for the way he is growing you right now and remember that nothing comes to stay.  Ask what God is teaching you in this time. Whether a "good time" or a "bad time" God is always revealing more of himself to us.  We must only dare to pay attention.

When God Says...

Verse: "But now your kingdom will not endure; the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart and appointed him ruler of his people, because you have not kept the Lord's command." - 1 Samuel 13:14

Topic: How do I know God will keep his promises?

Personal Piece:  This week I'm going to be speaking on something really close to my heart as it is something I literally wrestle with everyday.  I'm sure many people have promises from God that they hold onto.  But when those promises come through dreams it can be easy for faith to waver.  Since I was a little girl God has spoken to me through "dreams and visions of the night.  When deep sleeps falls upon me and I slumber in my bed, he speaks (reveals things) in my ear and terrifies (stops) me with warnings" (Job 33:15-16).  I have seen things come to pass years after I have dreamt of them but that doesn't make the promises I am holding onto today require any less faith.  As his promises get bigger so does the faith required.

Thought of the Week: Over the last month I have been studying and meditating on the early years of David's life.  The events of 1 Samuel often come to my mind when I am beginning to doubt God's promises.  David didn't require anything from people, he didn't ask God to give him anything.  He wanted only to be in Yahweh's presence.  He was a lowly shepherd, a man overlooked by his own father when it came to doing something great.  But unlike his brothers, he didn't strive to make a name for himself.  He was content and fulfilled in his role as a shepherd and used his talent for song to minister to Yahweh himself.  But God had different plans.  When King Saul arrogantly disobeyed him, God turned his back on him and told his prophet that he had picked a new king who had a "heart after his own heart" (1 Sam 13:14).  When Samuel came and anointed David he set him apart as king but it would be many more years before God would fulfill that promise and make him king.

Throughout the Bible we can find literally hundreds of Yahweh's promises, some unfulfilled, some yet to be fulfilled.  But throughout all those promises there is one thing you will never find - a promise that didn't require faith.  God gave us a beautiful image of his promises in Genesis chapter 15.  It's an image that is often overlooked by many Christians because for one it is rather violent but also because we do not fully understand the ancient culture in which this promise was given.  In this moment God signed an unrevokable contract with Abraham.  As with any contract there were requirements of both sides but God put most of the pressure on his own head.  All Abraham had to do was have faith for as long as it was required of him.  That is all any of us are ever asked to do.

What blows me away the most about David before he became king is his attitude.  I don't know about you, but even if it wasn't my life goal to become king, if God told me that he had chosen me to be rich and famous for his glory, it would be really hard for me not to sit down and start making a life plan for how I'm gonna get to that place.  I can think of a couple things in my life that MIGHT get me noticed and make some good money.  David could have easily started planning.  Especially after he killed Goliath, people were flocking to him, ready to follow him anywhere.  When Saul tried to kill him, David could have retaliated.  He could have turned on Saul at any moment and taken the kingdom that God had promised.  It might have worked too, but it would have been without God's blessing.

When I was in middle school, I loved Greek and Roman Mythology.  The gods and goddesses were like angsty superheroes and their foolishness always gave me a chuckle.  While there were many stories, most of which I can't recall, there was one theme that always stuck out to me - self-fulfilling prophesies.  An example of this is the story of Oedipus who was born a prince.  When it was prophesied that Oedipus would one day kill his father, the king sent him to his death.  But he was found and raised by a commoner.  As a man, the prophecy was once again given to him but believing that it was his adopted father that would die, he left home.  When he later got into a fight with the king he unknowingly fulfilled the prophecy.  In the end the very act of trying to avoid the outcome was exactly what caused the outcome.

Why can't know what might have happened if Saul hadn't gone straight into panic mode.  I don't believe he could have saved his position as king but I do believe that he could have saved his reputation.  Saul was chosen because he was faithful to God, but no one knows King Saul for his faithfulness and devotion, they know him for trying to kill the greatest king of Israel.  His son Jonathon on the other hand had as much to lose if not more than his father.  He was the heir to the throne but he didn't even get the chance to rule because Yahweh replaced him before he even had a chance.  It makes me wonder how those two ever came to be 'friendship goals'.  We don't remember Jonathon as a king because that wasn't in God's plan for him, he died an unfortunately early death but he is always remembered for his bravery and his friendship with the man God had chosen in his place.

Believing in God's promises is never easy.  Our flesh longs for proof and not just one time, but over and over and over again.  In his patience, God will often give us the proof we desire but not always. Sometimes we must rely on nothing more than blind faith.  Others are sure to not understand, they're sure to put doubts in your head so that you wonder if you even heard God in the first place.  All week I have been turning over and over one such promise.  God told me in a dream to return to Chick-fil-A and one year later, I'm still in the same place I was then.  For 7 months I have been wrestling with God about why I am there.  He told me that old dreams would be fulfilled in this job, he assured me he would take care of me and that the things I have longed for I would find there.  But a year later I feel no closer to that goal than I did when we opened last March.  Some days I can see it just beyond my reach and other days, like yesterday, it seems like a pipe dream that I need to let go of.

Thankfully, God doesn't always make us rely on blind faith.  Last night someone I had never before met spoke into my life.  She told me that the promotion I was waiting for was coming, that I only had to keep holding onto it.  Having a stranger confirm what I know God has been telling me is beyond encouraging.  God is always good on his word.  He is love and truth and therefore nothing he says can be anything but.  Sometimes our own minds can get in the way.  We can sometimes put words in God's mouth that he didn't actually say.  Or like the mythological heroes we interpret his promises in our own way and miss his actual intent.  God never intended Christianity to be one-sided.  It has always been about a relationship, a giving and taking on both ends.  It is not completely reliant on our own failed perfection (thank goodness), nor is it reliant entirely on his faithfulness.  We have to have faith.  Whatever promise you are holding don't let go.  And take this last piece of wisdom from the life of young David: Focus on the heart of Yahweh and you will never be disappointed no matter what the outcome.

Digging Deeper:  For more on David's early years, his rivalry with Saul and his friendship with Jonathan check out the book of 1 Samuel, specifically chapters 13-31.

Other stories about long-term promises include: Joseph (One day his brothers would bow before him), Abraham (His ancestors would be as numerous as the stars), David (His kin would always remain on the throne), Isaiah (A savior would one day come from the line of David), Daniel (Kingdoms would rise and fall), Jesus (He will one day return), John (Heaven will one day come to Earth)

For the story of Oedipus click here.

This song (Above) has been playing in my head all week and I thought you might enjoy it.

Challenge:  What promises do you need to be reminded of today?  Bring them to God and renew your covenant with him.  Ask him to build your faith and then focus on his heart and what he wants in the situation.  More than likely your ideas are completely different.  Find scriptures that support what he is saying (that's the best way to separate your voice from his) and circle/underline the words in your bible.  Write them out and put them where you'll see them everyday.  Use his promises as a launching pad into an even deeper relationship with him.

The Dove's Call

Verse:  He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority.  But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth."
 - Acts 1:7-8

Topic: Does God still do miracles today?

Personal Piece:  For those who don't know we are nearing the end of the 50 day countdown to Pentecost.  Interestingly enough it has also turned out to be the countdown to the end of my wrestling with God that started little over a year ago.  God has been teaching me so much over the last year and while I wouldn't say it was a "dark time" or even a necessarily difficult lesson, it has been by far the most confusing lesson I have ever had to learn.  God has been tearing down into my roots and growing me up on stronger foundations.  Having been a Christian since I was 4 years old, this is a necessary process to move into adulthood and maintain my faith in who he is.  I can't depend on the habits and thought processes that got me through high school I must "let go of my childish ways" (1 Cor. 13:11).  But beyond that, God has been growing a new spiritual gift within me.  He has been teaching me to discern between spirits.  Not only good and bad spirits but also "almost good" and good.  He is teaching me to discern where the spirit of man is pushing him out, even in the lives of Christians I look up to.  What better time to hit the climax of this time then right on the eve of Pentecost when Yahweh poured out his spirit on man and filled them with his power.

Thought of the Week: The room was silent, the only sound was the occasional whispered prayers as those closest to Yeshua huddled together in an upper room.  It had been 10 days since Yeshua had left them.  The roman soldiers were still looking for his body, desperate for some kind of proof that the disciples had only stolen his body.  Every sound caused them to jump, wondering if perhaps the Roman's had come to arrest them.  It had been ten days and already doubts were beginning to sneak in.  He had told them to wait, to not even leave Jerusalem until they had received some kind of gift. But what if it never came?  Or what if like the times before his time frame was different than theirs? And what could this gift possibly be?  He had said they would be witnesses to the world but looking around this packed out room it sure didn't look like a room of witnesses.  The people trembled, the eyes were filled with fear though they tried to hide it.  They all struggled to pray, as they wrestled with the question on all their minds.  Why did Jesus have to leave?

These were the thoughts that may have plagued Peter's mind as he sat with the other devoted followers of Christ on that special Pentecost.  How many previous Pentecost's had he come to Jerusalem, hoping that Yahweh would fulfill his promise of power.  For 1500 years the Jews had made this pilgrimage to Jerusalem.  The prophet Jeremiah had promised that God would one day write his laws on their hearts (Jer. 31:31-34) and Pentecost was the day they looked for that fulfillment.  But after 1500 years, could Peter dare to hope that this was the Pentecost they had been waiting for.

Then it happened, a mysterious sound moved through the room.  It sounded like the storm winds he had heard so often on the Sea of Galilee, but the room was sealed and more than that the wind could be felt but not on the skin like most wind.  This wind could be felt in his soul.  Something was happening within him that could not be explained.  The soul wind was heavy on him and he felt like he might burst.  What was happening?  Someone cried out and he looked to see what looked to be a fire in the middle of the room, the fire began to separate and settle above each head in the room until all were consumed.  Something unexplainable was happening inside of him.  He wanted to laugh and cry, all at once.  He felt like singing, dancing shouting, falling to his knees.  Finally he did the only thing he could, he opened his mouth and what came out were words that he had never heard before.

Tears began to stream down Peter's face and suddenly he knew, knew with absolute certainty that Jesus was not gone.  He was here in this room.  No, he wasn't in the room, he was inside of him, inside each of them.  They were all speaking in the strange language and it was beautiful.  A language from the heart, words spoken privately between Jesus and himself.  Peter jumped to his feet and raced to the door.  He couldn't contain it anymore, he had to share with the world.  He didn't care if they laughed, he didn't care if they arrested him.  He had to speak, had to tell the whole world that Yeshua was alive, that he was still among them, that he was coming back.  Oh, there was so much to say how would he ever find the words.  But he didn't have to worry about that, did he?  Yeshua was there, Yeshua would do the speaking, he need only open his mouth and allow Yeshua to use him. This was just the beginning of a grand adventure.

We don't know for sure how exactly Peter might have felt before and after the spirit of Yahweh fell upon his people for the first time.  I have nothing to go off of but my own experiences and I can tell you it is nothing short of miraculous.  There are many churches that believe that speaking in tongues and doing miracles is a thing of the past, something saved only for the early disciples.  Yet there is no account of the moment that God decided to withdraw his spirit, there is nothing in the feasts that indicate that that was part of the deal.  There is no logic in a God who would give us a book filled with over 4000 years of miracles to show us how powerful he USED to be.  I believe that his spirit still lives within me, pushing me to do things and say things I would never do on my own.

What the feasts do show us is that after Pentecost there will be a dry season.  On the Jewish calendar there are about 3-4 months between Pentecost and the fall feasts.  The Jewish feasts follow the harvest cycle and this 3 month period was the driest part of the year.  But it was also the time that the harvest grew and prepared to be reaped.  We are in that dry season.  Every day we must fight against the weeds, and the birds and the hot sun (see parable of the sower) in order to be harvest-able when Jesus returns.  Some days we have to fight to feel his spirit, we have to fight against distractions and chemical imbalances and secret sin in order to experience the miracles that he intends for us to see. That's what I fight for.  Some days I win and some days I lose but I will always keep fighting.

Digging Deeper: For the account of Jesus' departure and the following day of Pentecost read Acts chapters 1 and 2.  The rest of Acts tells the story of the numerous miracles performed through God's spirit.  1 Corinthians chapters 12-14 gives a detailed explanation of the numerous giftings of the Holy Spirit as well as proper use of them in the church.

The Parable of the Sower can be found in Matthew chapter 13

For more on the feast of Pentecost check out "Celebrating Jesus in the Biblical Feasts" by Dr. Richard Booker.  I also highly recommend "The Code of the Holy Spirit" by Perry Stone which I read over the course of these 50 days and was given a completely new outlook on the Holy Spirit.

Challenge: Spend some time to get to know the person of the Holy Spirit.  There are numerous books on the subject and the apostle Paul speaks a lot about him throughout the New Testament.  So whether you do a Biblical study, a book study or just dialogue with God about it take some time to figure out who the Holy Spirit really is and what his role is in our world and in your life.

Of Priests and Kings: The Kingly Priest

Verse: For if, while we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! - Romans 5:10

Topic: How can I be faithful in a world of distractions?

Personal Piece:  This week has been quite the whirlwind.  My sister returned from nine months working in India.  My family is always looking for excuses to get together so her return turned into a week long family reunion.  Between surprise birthday parties, dinners, church, movies, board games and lots of laughter it was a very wonderful week.  Just what the doctor ordered.  It's so easy to get caught up in the monotony of life and get lost in my own head.  I'm always thankful when I have sometime to be with my family, take off the mask that so many expect me to wear and just be myself for a little while.

Thought of the Week: This month I have been talking a lot about this concept of priests and kings and what God's intention was when he established Israel as a nation.  When Israel was first established they had no king.  It was God's intention that the people seek his face for their guidance. In the early days the prophetic mouthpiece that God had set up was considered to be the highest position in the land with the high priest not far beneath him.  These two men were responsible not only for the natural well-being of the nation but even more so for their spiritual well-being.  God spoke to these men directly until the nation became so corrupt that they demanded a king.  They didn't want God's direct leadership anymore.  So God gave them what they asked for and the people became even more separated from God.

But God had given King David a promise that one of his descendants would always be on the throne. I'm sure the people of Israel believed Yahweh had broken his promise when Israel fell and a Babylonian king took over who had no connection to David.  For nearly 1000 years the people were under the rule of foreign nations rather than a son of David.  I can't even imagine that.  So often God gives me promises and I feel like I've been lied to after just 5 min of the promise not being fulfilled. The next day I feel like an idiot wondering why I ever allowed myself to hold onto a promise that was so unrealistic.  The people of Israel waited A THOUSAND YEARS.  The man who God had given the promise to wasn't even alive to see its fulfillment and yet his faith did not waver.  He knew God's word was good.

The people were waiting for a king to rise up and take his place in Jerusalem.  A strong warrior who would take back the nation from captivity and establish them as a world power once again.  Looking back we can see how small minded they were (aren't we all).  It's often only after God has finally fulfilled his promise in his own way that we can look back and see how he was moving in his own direction all along.  God had no intention of establishing a king.  That had never been his intent from the time he had initially established Israel.  Israel was meant to be led by a priest and who better to lead Israel in holiness then...God himself.

God became a man and lived among humanity.  He taught them the truth, showed them his heart and opened his arms to any who were willing to come.  Many people look down on Judas for betraying the Messiah but how many of us can honestly say that we wouldn't have done the same thing to a man who was going against everything we had grown up to believe.  Many of the people who followed Jesus, did so with the expectation that he would one day pick up his sword and rescue them. When Judas realized that wasn't the case he believed that Jesus was a heretic (he did after all claim to be God) and according to the law heretics had to be killed.

How many of us can say that we have not done the same thing in our own lives.  We have these expectations for Jesus.  We expect that once we become Christians our lives will become miraculously better.  We expect that bad things will stop happening and that our lives will somehow become perfect.  When it turns out that that isn't the case we blame God, we declare him a liar with our actions.  We deny him or turn our backs on him and his laws  And it all comes down to our developing an opinion of God that isn't accurate.  As my brother and sister-in-law would say "You think you know but'cha don't".  None of us truly can and that's part of the adventure.

Jesus came and established himself in a priestly and prophetic role long before he established himself as any kind of king.  Though he is more than worthy to be king, it was more important to him that the people be reminded of what holiness looked like.  He wants all of us to come to him first as the priest that stands before Yahweh on our behalf.  He wants us to see him as the one who came to direct us in paths of holiness and who came to show us how to live amidst the distractions.  Jesus was the priest who became king.  The only man who could ever be both.  He became the permanent bridge between us and God as Moses, Joshua and David had once been.

This world can be so distracting we install faster technology so that we have more time but then realize we don't really know what to do with all that time so we plug into louder and louder entertainment until we can no longer hear his voice.  Jesus came to teach us how to slow down and enjoy life.  He came to show us what's of true importance.  And he made it simple and timeless. "Love God and love others".  How do we remain faithful in a life of distractions, we simply love God (our high priest) and we love others (directing them to the high priest with our example).  God is a king but he is first and foremost a priest.  It's what he wanted the people of Israel to see and it is what he still wants us to see today.

Digging Deeper:  For more about priests and their duties check out the book of Leviticus.  The book of Hebrews gives an in depth examination of how Jesus fulfilled the role of priest

Challenge: Keep a log with 3 columns.  In the first column mark the ways you showed your love for God throughout the day.  In the 2nd mark the ways you've shown your love for others and in the final column write down the distractions that may have taken away from the first two.  After a week examine how the three columns balance out.  Is one column longer than the other.  Keep in mind that some things that we use to "recharge" should be placed in the distraction section.  Though it may not seem like it the only true way to recharge is to spend time with God and let that time overflow onto others.  If you do a second week ask yourself how you can re-balance your columns so that you are "charging" with the right "outlets"

Of Priests and Kings: The Faithful King

Verse: He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. - Psalms 103:9-10

Topic: How can I be faithful in a world of distractions?

Personal Piece: This week was a bit of a struggle for me emotionally.  Sometimes the people we consider to be friends can be rather insensitive.  Sometimes it can feel like we're all alone even while surrounded by people.  That's what the last couple days have felt like.  For those who don't know me, I've never really struggled to make friends, I've just struggled to keep them.  I love meeting new people and getting to know people's quirks and what sets them apart.  Unfortunately not many people feel the same way about my quirks.  People love to judge and make themselves look better.  Throughout my entire life the number one message I have gotten from those who call me friend is "You're important, but not as important as..." fill in the blank.  It's in these moments that I must turn to Christ.  In these moments I have to crawl up onto his lap and sob into his shoulder and beg to know why and how long.  He rarely gives me an answer but he always brings me comfort and I must choose to trust him.

Thought of the Week:  Last week we talked about a priest named Eli who led the people of Israel and allowed them to live in sin.  He chose to do nothing and because of his inaction the Ark of the Covenant was taken and he and his sons were killed.  His successor was a prophet named Samuel who was a strong man of God but he was unable to bring Israel back to its roots and restore the priesthood.  The people begged for a king and the separation between God and man became even deeper then before.  Yahweh stopped using the king as a mouth piece as he had done before.  As we read through the book of First Samuel we see that the first king, Saul, was used by God at first but as the glory and power of kingship became greater, the Spirit of God became less and less prominent in his life.

Last week I talked about how the prophets and leaders of Israel became two separate entities after Saul became king with two exceptions.  The first exception was Saul's successor David.  David is hands-down the most well-known of all the kings of Israel.  Not only because of his kingly conquests but because of his devout faithfulness to God.  David wasn't raised in the courts, he wasn't from a rich family and had no dreams of ruling anything.  He was a mere shepherd but he had a deep desire to go deeper with God then anyone had gone before.  God chose him to be the king and David did not disappoint.

David was in the same world as Saul, he faced the same Philistines and followed the same God.  But Saul wanted to please the people and David longed only to please God.  He wasn't going to allow anyone to influence who he was or what he believed.  He had encountered God and he wasn't going to let idols of the people distract him from following God.  Even when the promises seemed so far away he knew it was in God's hands.  He restored the Ark to its rightful place in the Tabernacle, establishing God back to his rightful place.

As long as David's eyes were on Yahweh the kingdom had victory and prosperity.  Sadly, David's story does not end on a very happy note.  Though he served Yahweh throughout his life he eventually became distracted as well by the things of this world, he too stumbled and needed a prophetic mouthpiece to get him back on track.  His sin, though forgiven, brought much destruction to not only his family but the entire nation.  Every king after David dealt with deeper and deeper separation from God and until even the prophets were not loud enough for the people to hear.

Throughout the old testament we see accounts of the different prophets who pleaded with the people of Israel and Judah, warning them of God's anger and pleading with the king to lead the people in holiness.  A few of the kings tried but none could restore the priestly connection that they had once had and their deaths always led to a deeper return to the darkness.  Finally Yahweh had had enough and after hundreds of years of speaking through the prophets he decided not to choose a mouthpiece. For over a hundred years there was silence from God.  The temple was destroyed the Jewish people scattered and fighting for something stable.

I can't imagine what that time must have been like.  For hundreds of years God had been speaking through the prophets, begging for the people to listen, begging for them to repent and live holy lives and then suddenly...silence.  A world shrouded in dark silence, the God they had taken for granted had seemingly turned his back on them.  Perhaps he had finally been pushed too far.  After 4000 years the God of the Universe was without words, he had said all that he could possibly say and there was nothing left but to wait.  Wait, until the world noticed that he'd pulled away and came looking for him.

Yahweh had given a special promise to David because of his faithfulness.  A promise that 1000 years later had still not been fulfilled.  Yahweh had promised that someone from David's bloodline would always remain on the throne.  When the people were taken into captivity, I'm sure that it felt like God was failing to keep that promise.  Not only was there no descendant of David on the throne but there was no king at all.  It seemed like Israel had truly fallen and Yahweh had completely turned his back. But the story wasn't over yet there was still one more king to come.

To Be Continued...

Digging Deeper:  For the full story of King David check out 1 and 2 Samuel.  For more about the kings that followed after David check out 1 and 2 Kings

The Bible itself does not tell us what happened during God's period of silence but for more information you can check out the Books of Maccabees which tells more of what happened in Israel during this period of time.

Challenge: The past two entries may not have had a clear life lesson but that doesn't mean they aren't there.  Read through the entries again and ask God what he's trying to teach you.  Then share what you're learning in the comments and don't forget to take the survey at the top of the page.

Of Priests and Kings: The Rebellious Priest

Verse: I will not look with approval on anything that is vile.  I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it. - Psalms 101:3

Topic:  How can I be faithful in a world of distractions?

Personal Piece: Man, does it feel good to just sit for a couple hours.  I feel like  I've been going non-stop for the last week...which I have been.  Early mornings and long days have made for a busy week but though I've been exhausted it has been a good kind of exhausted.  Last week I did something that God has been asking me to do for over a year.  When the Chick-fil-A I work at first opened a little over a year ago the stress was so high that friends who had worked together for 2 or 3 years began to turn against each other.  God told me to pray for Chick-fil-A and asked me to do a Jericho March around the restaurant.  I never did.  Not until last week.  Though I could not see with physical eyes I could feel the walls of division start to crumble.  While there are still communication issues and gossip, I can feel the difference in the atmosphere.  God is moving, removing the strongholds and replacing them with joy.

Thought of the Week: Over the last few moths, I have talked a couple of times about Moses and a little bit about his successor Joshua.  These were two incredible men of God and during their lifetimes the nation of Israel was a holy and powerful nation.  They weren't warriors by any means but they had Yahweh at their side and that made all the difference.  Other nations trembled and panicked when they heard they were coming, not because they had a huge army or fancy weapons but because other nations knew that the Israelite God was far superior to their gods.  Despite their faults (of which there were many) Israel made a name for itself simply by living their lives in faithful devotion to their Creator God.  Then Joshua died and everything changed.

When Joshua died, there was nobody to take his place.  In all of Israel there was no one who had truly encountered God and desired the level of holiness that he demanded.  They followed his rules but didn't allow their hearts to be changed and that was when the enemy was able to strike.  Over and over and over again the the people were distracted by the sin of the other nations, pulled into the darkness, enslaved and mistreated by the enemy and then pulled out by their faithful God whose heart they had broken.  Even the priests became corrupt and did not respect God's demand for holiness.  Yahweh became so angry that he began to look for someone else to lead the people.  Someone in tune with his heart,  who would be receptive to his leading and would have the strength to lead the people in the direction they needed to go.  But he looked and found no on.  At least no one who was born yet.

Then a woman came to the Tabernacle who had reached the end of her rope and Yahweh smiled.  She wanted nothing more than the honor of having a child.  A simple task for the God of all things.  She had asked so many times before but he refused time and time again because he needed her to be different, he needed her to know him in a way that none of the others, not even Eli the high priest knew him.  He needed her to be desperate so that he could step in and fill her empty places.  She came and knelt before him with open hands, weak knees, and a voice that wouldn't even work and he granted her request.  The son that was born, Samuel, was dedicated to the Lord and raised in the Tabernacle.  1 Samuel 3:1 tells us that the people no longer heard from the Lord and the visions and prophecies that had led Moses and Joshua were rare occurrences.  But God had been preparing Samuel from conception to be his mouthpiece.

Samuel would sleep "where the ark of God was" (1 Samuel 3:2).  There are many commentaries about whether or not Samuel was actually within the Holy of Holies or somewhere just outside of it. The Holy of Holies was the center of the Tabernacle and was considered to be so filled with God's holiness that any who entered there could potentially be struck dead if they did not go through the proper procedures.  Whether Samuel was in the Holy of Holies itself or right outside we know that Samuel was in the place that was as close to God as he could possibly get.  Like Joshua before him he was taking every opportunity to be in the presence of God.  He didn't allow anything to get in the way of knowing Yahweh.  That's when Yahweh spoke.  That's when a boy no older than 13 was called to be the mouthpiece for an entire nation.

Unfortunately, Israel had had enough of listening to Yahweh.  They were corrupt and did whatever they pleased.  They followed whatever whims made sense to them at the time, even going so far as to remove the Ark from the Holy of Holies and bring it to war with them...without the permission of Yahweh.  A little spoiler for you, God does not like when people mess with his house.  The Israelites lost the war, Eli and his two sons died, the ark was stolen and the presence of Yahweh was lifted from Israel.  God still put the attacking Philistines in their place.  He made them seriously sick and defamed that temple and humiliated their god not once, but twice.  Finally, the Philistines brough the Ark back to Israel

All of this sets the stage for what I have come to call The Second Defining Betrayal of History (the first being eating the forbidden fruit).  Since the very beginning, Israel had been a kingdom of priests.  While other nations were defined by their armies and politicians, Israel had always been defined by its priesthood.  The priests and prophets brought purity and guidance to the people, they listened to the whisper of the Holy Spirit from the Holy of Holies and brought the word of Yahweh to the people.  He spoke to them clearly and told them his desires.  But the people looked to the other nations and saw what seemed to be "greener grass".  Samuel had led them throughout his life but he was getting old and sons did not follow his ways.  The people were afraid that they would be leaderless again and instead of trusting that Yahweh would raise up a mouthpiece as he had always done, they demanded a king.  The other nations had human kings to lead them, why couldn't they?  In this moment, the people demanded something that would bring an even greater separation from God then they already had.

After this moment, there is a shift in the people Yahweh speaks through.  The king was not the mouthpiece of God like Moses, Joshua or even the Judges had been.  He was a human ruler who would follow his own whims.  He was someone who could be bribed and manipulated.  He was a man who could take what and who he wanted and could use his position for selfish means.  If he was wise he would listen to the prophets and priests that Yahweh chose to speak through and lead Israel in faithful submission to God.  The foolish kings would reject the prophet that God had chosen and go his own way, leading the people of Israel in idolatry and faithless rebellion.  Before the second betrayal there was no separation between leaders and prophets.  The prophets were the leaders and the leaders heard God's voice.  After the second betrayal you were either a king or a prophet but rarely both.  With only two exceptions...

To Be Continued...

Digging Deeper: The story of Samuel can be found throughout 1 and 2 Samuel, this week's story was taken from 1 Samuel 1-8.  For more on the kings of Israel check out 1 and 2 Samuel and 1 and 2 Kings.  The story of the Philistines taking the Ark of the Covenant can be found 1 Samuel 4-6.  Israel's request for a king can be found in 1 Samuel chapter 8.

For more on Samuel in the Holy of Holies click here.  This  article may be a bit difficult to understand for the non-academic but it draws some intriguing parallels between Joshua and Samuel toward the end.

Please leave comments and questions down below,  I'd love to hear from you.  And be sure to check your answers in the survey at the top of the page.  I'd love to get to know my readers better.

Challenge: Leave a comment or do the survey at the top of the page.  Or do BOTH!  I'd love to hear from my readers and hear your thoughts on this or any of the other entries that have been posted. Have a fantastic week.

Leaving a Legacy

Verse: All the believers were one in heart and mind.  No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. - Acts 4:32

Topic: How can I make a difference?

Personal Piece: This week I've been really moving forward in getting my novel published.  It's such an exciting time but sure takes a lot of time and energy.  Now that I've made the official decision not to move to Kansas city, I will be putting all my energy into taking these final steps so that by the end of the year I can hopefully be holding it my hands and on the shelves of my friends and family.  If you could keep me in your prayers as I take these final steps I would really appreciate it.  This has been a 7 year project and I would hate to see it fizzle out or get damaged in any way here at the end.

Thought of the Week: Today I want to talk about a word that has developed a rather negative meaning over the last few years.  That is the word millennial.  A couple weeks ago I watched a clip from an interview with Simon Sinek (shared below) that has gotten me thinking.  In the interview Simon shares about the 4 societal structures that have created "millennials".  Millennials are those currently in their early 30's and younger who have become defined by their consumption of technology, an entitlement attitude, and an unfortunately poor work ethic.  They are young people who strive to bring meaning to the world and have a desire to change lives but haven't learned that those things take time.

Long before the term millennial came to describe my generation, I had already devoted my life to studying the behaviors and motivations of those within my generation.  The summer before my freshman year of high school God called me to reach my peers and ever since that moment I have poured my life into understanding everything I can.  That was just short of a decade ago (June will be ten years).  It has been my life's work in many ways and that research has fueled many of my decisions and filled the content of my writing.  God has been preparing me to reach millenials since long before the world knew what millenials were.

I cannot tell you how difficult it is to watch and work with these young people who are filled with such hope and yet are watching it slowly drift away like chaff in the wind.  I meet with students in their schools twice a week and rub shoulders everyday in the work place and so often all I see is despair.  Over the years I have discovered that there are two kinds of millennials.  The first are those who have succumbed to their depression and have just accepted it as part of their lives.  They go through the motions of work and school because that's what they are supposed to do and have become so used to the darkness that they do not even realize anymore that they are depressed.  These are the kids often categorized as good kids because they don't ever step outside the lines.

The second group of millennials are those unwilling to fit the mold.  They are fighting against the black and white world that their parents have created and blurring the lines everywhere they can. Black and white becomes gray, good and evil becomes misunderstood, male and female becomes androgynous.  Everywhere we look tolerance reigns but the question has always remained why.  In my years of watching and studying I have come to find that it is not out of love that tolerance reigns, but solely out of fear.  The lines have become blurred because the heart has become fragile. What those who fight for tolerance have not wanted to admit even to themselves is that at the heart of their passion lies a deep anxiety that they cannot overcome.  So they choose battles they believe they can win.  Fighting for the right to abortion, the right to marijuana, the right to LGBT relationships and whatever other right they can think of.  Because fighting for their rights is easier than admitting that when they look deep inside they don't actually feel like they deserve them.

Over the last 10 years I have been able to categorize myself in both of these groups.  I know what it feels like to have depression be so normal you don't even notice it anymore.  But more importantly I still remember what it feels like to have that burden lifted from my shoulders forever.  I know what it's like to be so afraid of people seeing the real me that I bury it under as many "good deeds" as I can. But more importantly I know what it feels like to face my fears, let someone in and have them love me anyway.  So many millennials struggle to connect with those around them and unfortunately that is not something that can be fixed through technology, not truly.

We as millennials are the most disconnected, connected generation of all time.  We can build "guilds" and make business transactions with people on the other side of the world but those same people rarely know the desires of our hearts.  Meanwhile the man/woman we wake up next to every morning struggles to get even 5 minutes of our attention.  Dates, work meetings, our children's soccer games and dance recitals, even family movie night, are all viewed with one eye on the phone in our hands. I'm as guilty of this as anyone else in my generation.  It's my alarm clock, my camera, my calculator, my schedule, my life.  But with the inability to unplug from technology comes the inability to plug into people.

Like so many in my generation I long to make an impression, to change lives, to leave a legacy.  But I don't want to leave just any legacy I want to leave God's legacy.  The legacy of a changed life. Everyday I have to fight against my "Millennial Nature" to make sure that I am taking the time to connect with the people around me.  My instinct in awkward situations is often to pull out my phone, to look busy and popular, to lose myself in the digital world and disconnect from the physical one. But how many opportunities have I missed because I couldn't put it down.  I don't want that to be me. It may be difficult, it may go against everything within me but seeing the light come into a young person's eyes when I show an interest in them makes all the difference.  If I can bring just a little bit of Christ's hope to those around me then it doesn't matter if I ever get to be in an authoritative position or make 6 digits or own my own house.  All that matters is that my eyes are on Jesus more often then they are on my phone.


Digging Deeper: Here is the Simon Sinek video referenced above:

Also check out the book "#Hooked" by Gregory Jantz for a more scientific point of view from a Christian Psychologist on the effects of technology on our society.

Challenge: As you can imagine my challenge this week is to unplug.  Whether it be for five minutes while you people watch at a park or an hour while you enjoy dinner with your family or friends.  Sometime this week, make a conscious effort to unplug from the digital world and plug into the physical world around you.

When God Sees a Lion

Verse: "Look you scoffers, wonder and perish, for I am going to do something in your days that you would never believe, even if someone told you" - Acts 13:41

Topic: Could God have made a mistake?

Personal Piece:  These past two weeks have been quite the adventure for me.  Over the course of Passover week I went through a major time of fasting which ended this past Tuesday.  It was a much needed time of spiritual refreshing as I took some time to unplug from the things of this world and plug into his love.  I came away with a lot of clarity about my future in this coming year and my next steps.  Some of you are aware that I was planning a six-month internship starting in July.  Well God made it very clear to me that the internship is not in his plan.  Even though I know that I would learn a lot doing the internship, there are other things that God has in store for me in this season of life that I would not achieve moving to Kansas City.

Thought of the Week:  These past two weeks I have read a number of stories in both the old and new testaments about people who were given difficult callings.  Joshua was called to fill Moses' shoes by leading a bunch of shepherds into war.  Peter who was still rather rough around the edges was called to head up an entire movement after Jesus himself departed.  Gideon was called to lead a mere 300 men into war against an army of well over 1000.  Paul had already arrested and stoned hundreds of Christians when he was called to preach the good news to the nations.

All four of these men were given a calling beyond what they thought they could handle, in fact Gideon argued with God for a solid two days in the hopes that he had heard him wrong or that he would change his mind.  Peter protested for the entirety of Jesus' three year ministry.  Paul had to stand against a lot of opposition from people who believed Jesus was only for the Jews and Joshua had to make very hard decisions in order to keep the Israelites set apart as holy.  I'm sure there were many days when these men looked up to the heavens and asked God if maybe he had made a mistake. Wondering why he had chosen them to fulfill this particular task when they had so many flaws, wondering if maybe they had heard God wrong, wondering and probably hoping that other spiritual leaders were actually right.

I know I have had those same thoughts over the course of this last year.  I have been working for the same chain-restaurant for the past 7 years, 3 weeks and 2 days (I know cause it just popped up on my Facebook Memories), I have 3 degrees and a world of possibilities (not to mention a world of pressure) all telling me to get out, find a job with benefits and a steady salary, and get on with my life.  And yet, every time I get out I feel even more lost.  On February 8, 2016 I had a dream where God very clearly told me to go back to Chick-fil-A.  But the pressure became too much for me and I tried to leave.  Instead I went on a 6 week sabbatical where God confirmed to me again that Chick-fil-A was where I was meant to be.

Despite all the confirmations God has given me, I have still only been able to see my own rough edges, my own poor resources and talents, my own past screw-ups and when I take my eyes off of me all I see is a bunch of people who seem to be a heck of a lot more qualified then me.  But that's just the problem isn't it.  I'm not qualified...by earthly standards. I've made mistakes, say stupid things and have a rather short fuse.  But somehow, someway God has looked past all that and seen something beautiful.  It's the same things he saw in Joshua, Peter, Gideon, and Paul.  Willingness.  I don't know how it's all going to work out but if I can manage to take my eyes off myself for 10-seconds and take a look into his, I might get a picture of what he has in mind.

I know a lot of times we as Christians can get really caught up in the here-and-now.  We can forget that there is something greater out there.  We can forget that there are others just past our self-centered bubble.  As humans, part of our sin nature is to want what's best for ourselves.  We rarely, if ever, make decisions that don't further our ultimate goals.  We rarely do anything without an ulterior motive.  But if we have the spirit of God within us (which we do if we have made a commitment to follow him) then the only motives we should even have at all should be his.

In the last few months, I have had numerous conversations with a couple of my friends about pride and how literally EVERYTHING sprouts from it.  Pride is the good feeling someone gets from something that they have achieved.  It's rooted 100% in a person's own abilities and their own power to make themselves feel good.  When those successes turn into failures a person's entire self-esteem is rocked leading to depression and anxiety and in some cases extreme mental illnesses and even suicide.  All because a person had their eyes on the idol of self rather than on the holiness of God.  It is no wonder that so many people struggle with their identity and wonder if God could have made a mistake when he created them.

There is a difference between pride and confidence.  Confidence is the belief that one can rely on someone or something or is certain about the truth of something.  A third definition (A feeling of self-assurance that arises from an appreciation of ones own abilities) sounds a lot like pride but the difference of one word makes a humbling difference.  Where pride brings pleasure, confidence brings appreciation.  True confidence comes from knowing we can rely on God and his truth and it comes from humbly appreciating the gifts and talents he has given us as a testament to his goodness not our own.  Confidence allows us to have a high opinion of ourselves without taking our eyes off the one who made us that way.  It gives us permission to look at ourselves and learn our strengths and weaknesses so that we can be of greater use when he calls.  Confidence accepts that we are different and flawed but can still lift it's head to heaven knowing that he is the only one who can fill in the gaps.  I don't know about you but confidence sounds like a much better deal.

Digging Deeper: For a deeper look at the lives of the four men mentioned in this entry check out the following passages:

Joshua - The book of Joshua

Gideon - Judges 6-8

Peter - Acts and various passages in the gospels

Paul - Acts (starting in chapter 9) and most books in the New Testament

An extra illustration God gave me yesterday but was unable to fit in the entry:  There is a marriage illustration of the husband being the head and the wife being the neck.  He leads but she's the one who turns him in right direction.  In the bible we as the church are called the bride of Christ and as such he is the head and we are the neck.  The head still houses the brain which tells the neck where to go but if the neck is in rebellion the head cannot move.  In the same way God will not move in our lives if we are not in submission to him.  The neck is merely the pedestal that exalts the head and yet the head also relies on the neck.  God also relies on us to do our part in drawing eyes to him rather than ourselves.  He relies on us to be in unity with him so that we are going in the same direction rather than in circles.  In turn we rely on him to give us the information and nourishment we need to fulfill our callings.

To see how Paul compared the church to a body check out 1 Corinthians chapter 12:12-31.  This chapter is a great launching point for discovering your own divine calling.

Challenge: For those who want to build confidence in their lives I have an exercise for you that I use whenever I'm feeling low.  My challenge is to try it out this week and see if it helps.  If you try it out let me know in the comments.

1.Take some time to write down all the negative things you see in your self.  If you're like the majority of people in the world you are probably well aware of your own faults because you sub-consciously recite them to yourself on a daily basis.  Writing is a great way to trigger the brain into a processing and healing mode.  Acknowledging even those most petty or embarrassing issues on paper is important in moving forward.

2.After you write out your list, write over it in big letters PAID IN FULL and destroy it.  I usually rip it to shreds but on occassion I have had opportunity to burn the paper in a bonfire and that is my favorite.  The physical destruction of the paper helps to trigger the mind to let go of what was written on it.  If I'm ripping or cutting the paper I will usually do one point at a time and say a prayer over each one telling God that I am now letting go of this issue and will need his help to replace it with something of his.

3. Now write a new list of all the positive things you see in yourself.  Use words that replace the old words (ex. depression/joy, pride/humility, anxiety/courage, self-hate/confidence).  Ask God to show you what he sees in you and as you write tell yourself that these things are true of you.  You don't have to be that person some day you can can be that person today.  Remember that Jesus died so that those things on the first list would be forever forgotten.  He has already forgotten them and now you should too.

4.  Keep the list near you, choose 2 or 3 elements to focus on, find encouraging verses and leave notes around your house and car reminding you of who you really are.  Read the truth often until it becomes your mantra, memorize the verses and recite them throughout the day.  Whatever you do remember that the second list is the truth of who you are and the first is merely the lies that Satan wants to distract you with.  The more you replace pride with confidence the more those other things will melt away.

5. Act on your new identity.  Your identity makes your calling clearer and now that you've cleaned up your life enough to see it, it's time to act on it.  I'm sure you know by now that the mind is a fickle thing that changes by the day.  Things we knew yesterday are forgotten and lies we threw away sneak back in.  Action on the other hand makes those thoughts concrete.  It's a lot harder to change a mindset, once it's linked with a habit so think through some concrete things you can do to turn those positive traits into truth. (ex. want more joy - make 3 people smile, more kindness - listen to 3 peoples day w/o interruption, humility - 3 anonymous acts of kindness).

6. Repeat as needed.  Don't get discouraged or give up when the lies sneak back in just try again.  You're never a failure until you've stopped trying.