Leaving a Legacy

Verse: All the believers were one in heart and mind.  No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. - Acts 4:32

Topic: How can I make a difference?

Personal Piece: This week I've been really moving forward in getting my novel published.  It's such an exciting time but sure takes a lot of time and energy.  Now that I've made the official decision not to move to Kansas city, I will be putting all my energy into taking these final steps so that by the end of the year I can hopefully be holding it my hands and on the shelves of my friends and family.  If you could keep me in your prayers as I take these final steps I would really appreciate it.  This has been a 7 year project and I would hate to see it fizzle out or get damaged in any way here at the end.

Thought of the Week: Today I want to talk about a word that has developed a rather negative meaning over the last few years.  That is the word millennial.  A couple weeks ago I watched a clip from an interview with Simon Sinek (shared below) that has gotten me thinking.  In the interview Simon shares about the 4 societal structures that have created "millennials".  Millennials are those currently in their early 30's and younger who have become defined by their consumption of technology, an entitlement attitude, and an unfortunately poor work ethic.  They are young people who strive to bring meaning to the world and have a desire to change lives but haven't learned that those things take time.

Long before the term millennial came to describe my generation, I had already devoted my life to studying the behaviors and motivations of those within my generation.  The summer before my freshman year of high school God called me to reach my peers and ever since that moment I have poured my life into understanding everything I can.  That was just short of a decade ago (June will be ten years).  It has been my life's work in many ways and that research has fueled many of my decisions and filled the content of my writing.  God has been preparing me to reach millenials since long before the world knew what millenials were.

I cannot tell you how difficult it is to watch and work with these young people who are filled with such hope and yet are watching it slowly drift away like chaff in the wind.  I meet with students in their schools twice a week and rub shoulders everyday in the work place and so often all I see is despair.  Over the years I have discovered that there are two kinds of millennials.  The first are those who have succumbed to their depression and have just accepted it as part of their lives.  They go through the motions of work and school because that's what they are supposed to do and have become so used to the darkness that they do not even realize anymore that they are depressed.  These are the kids often categorized as good kids because they don't ever step outside the lines.

The second group of millennials are those unwilling to fit the mold.  They are fighting against the black and white world that their parents have created and blurring the lines everywhere they can. Black and white becomes gray, good and evil becomes misunderstood, male and female becomes androgynous.  Everywhere we look tolerance reigns but the question has always remained why.  In my years of watching and studying I have come to find that it is not out of love that tolerance reigns, but solely out of fear.  The lines have become blurred because the heart has become fragile. What those who fight for tolerance have not wanted to admit even to themselves is that at the heart of their passion lies a deep anxiety that they cannot overcome.  So they choose battles they believe they can win.  Fighting for the right to abortion, the right to marijuana, the right to LGBT relationships and whatever other right they can think of.  Because fighting for their rights is easier than admitting that when they look deep inside they don't actually feel like they deserve them.

Over the last 10 years I have been able to categorize myself in both of these groups.  I know what it feels like to have depression be so normal you don't even notice it anymore.  But more importantly I still remember what it feels like to have that burden lifted from my shoulders forever.  I know what it's like to be so afraid of people seeing the real me that I bury it under as many "good deeds" as I can. But more importantly I know what it feels like to face my fears, let someone in and have them love me anyway.  So many millennials struggle to connect with those around them and unfortunately that is not something that can be fixed through technology, not truly.

We as millennials are the most disconnected, connected generation of all time.  We can build "guilds" and make business transactions with people on the other side of the world but those same people rarely know the desires of our hearts.  Meanwhile the man/woman we wake up next to every morning struggles to get even 5 minutes of our attention.  Dates, work meetings, our children's soccer games and dance recitals, even family movie night, are all viewed with one eye on the phone in our hands. I'm as guilty of this as anyone else in my generation.  It's my alarm clock, my camera, my calculator, my schedule, my life.  But with the inability to unplug from technology comes the inability to plug into people.

Like so many in my generation I long to make an impression, to change lives, to leave a legacy.  But I don't want to leave just any legacy I want to leave God's legacy.  The legacy of a changed life. Everyday I have to fight against my "Millennial Nature" to make sure that I am taking the time to connect with the people around me.  My instinct in awkward situations is often to pull out my phone, to look busy and popular, to lose myself in the digital world and disconnect from the physical one. But how many opportunities have I missed because I couldn't put it down.  I don't want that to be me. It may be difficult, it may go against everything within me but seeing the light come into a young person's eyes when I show an interest in them makes all the difference.  If I can bring just a little bit of Christ's hope to those around me then it doesn't matter if I ever get to be in an authoritative position or make 6 digits or own my own house.  All that matters is that my eyes are on Jesus more often then they are on my phone.


Digging Deeper: Here is the Simon Sinek video referenced above:

Also check out the book "#Hooked" by Gregory Jantz for a more scientific point of view from a Christian Psychologist on the effects of technology on our society.

Challenge: As you can imagine my challenge this week is to unplug.  Whether it be for five minutes while you people watch at a park or an hour while you enjoy dinner with your family or friends.  Sometime this week, make a conscious effort to unplug from the digital world and plug into the physical world around you.

When God Sees a Lion

Verse: "Look you scoffers, wonder and perish, for I am going to do something in your days that you would never believe, even if someone told you" - Acts 13:41

Topic: Could God have made a mistake?

Personal Piece:  These past two weeks have been quite the adventure for me.  Over the course of Passover week I went through a major time of fasting which ended this past Tuesday.  It was a much needed time of spiritual refreshing as I took some time to unplug from the things of this world and plug into his love.  I came away with a lot of clarity about my future in this coming year and my next steps.  Some of you are aware that I was planning a six-month internship starting in July.  Well God made it very clear to me that the internship is not in his plan.  Even though I know that I would learn a lot doing the internship, there are other things that God has in store for me in this season of life that I would not achieve moving to Kansas City.

Thought of the Week:  These past two weeks I have read a number of stories in both the old and new testaments about people who were given difficult callings.  Joshua was called to fill Moses' shoes by leading a bunch of shepherds into war.  Peter who was still rather rough around the edges was called to head up an entire movement after Jesus himself departed.  Gideon was called to lead a mere 300 men into war against an army of well over 1000.  Paul had already arrested and stoned hundreds of Christians when he was called to preach the good news to the nations.

All four of these men were given a calling beyond what they thought they could handle, in fact Gideon argued with God for a solid two days in the hopes that he had heard him wrong or that he would change his mind.  Peter protested for the entirety of Jesus' three year ministry.  Paul had to stand against a lot of opposition from people who believed Jesus was only for the Jews and Joshua had to make very hard decisions in order to keep the Israelites set apart as holy.  I'm sure there were many days when these men looked up to the heavens and asked God if maybe he had made a mistake. Wondering why he had chosen them to fulfill this particular task when they had so many flaws, wondering if maybe they had heard God wrong, wondering and probably hoping that other spiritual leaders were actually right.

I know I have had those same thoughts over the course of this last year.  I have been working for the same chain-restaurant for the past 7 years, 3 weeks and 2 days (I know cause it just popped up on my Facebook Memories), I have 3 degrees and a world of possibilities (not to mention a world of pressure) all telling me to get out, find a job with benefits and a steady salary, and get on with my life.  And yet, every time I get out I feel even more lost.  On February 8, 2016 I had a dream where God very clearly told me to go back to Chick-fil-A.  But the pressure became too much for me and I tried to leave.  Instead I went on a 6 week sabbatical where God confirmed to me again that Chick-fil-A was where I was meant to be.

Despite all the confirmations God has given me, I have still only been able to see my own rough edges, my own poor resources and talents, my own past screw-ups and when I take my eyes off of me all I see is a bunch of people who seem to be a heck of a lot more qualified then me.  But that's just the problem isn't it.  I'm not qualified...by earthly standards. I've made mistakes, say stupid things and have a rather short fuse.  But somehow, someway God has looked past all that and seen something beautiful.  It's the same things he saw in Joshua, Peter, Gideon, and Paul.  Willingness.  I don't know how it's all going to work out but if I can manage to take my eyes off myself for 10-seconds and take a look into his, I might get a picture of what he has in mind.

I know a lot of times we as Christians can get really caught up in the here-and-now.  We can forget that there is something greater out there.  We can forget that there are others just past our self-centered bubble.  As humans, part of our sin nature is to want what's best for ourselves.  We rarely, if ever, make decisions that don't further our ultimate goals.  We rarely do anything without an ulterior motive.  But if we have the spirit of God within us (which we do if we have made a commitment to follow him) then the only motives we should even have at all should be his.

In the last few months, I have had numerous conversations with a couple of my friends about pride and how literally EVERYTHING sprouts from it.  Pride is the good feeling someone gets from something that they have achieved.  It's rooted 100% in a person's own abilities and their own power to make themselves feel good.  When those successes turn into failures a person's entire self-esteem is rocked leading to depression and anxiety and in some cases extreme mental illnesses and even suicide.  All because a person had their eyes on the idol of self rather than on the holiness of God.  It is no wonder that so many people struggle with their identity and wonder if God could have made a mistake when he created them.

There is a difference between pride and confidence.  Confidence is the belief that one can rely on someone or something or is certain about the truth of something.  A third definition (A feeling of self-assurance that arises from an appreciation of ones own abilities) sounds a lot like pride but the difference of one word makes a humbling difference.  Where pride brings pleasure, confidence brings appreciation.  True confidence comes from knowing we can rely on God and his truth and it comes from humbly appreciating the gifts and talents he has given us as a testament to his goodness not our own.  Confidence allows us to have a high opinion of ourselves without taking our eyes off the one who made us that way.  It gives us permission to look at ourselves and learn our strengths and weaknesses so that we can be of greater use when he calls.  Confidence accepts that we are different and flawed but can still lift it's head to heaven knowing that he is the only one who can fill in the gaps.  I don't know about you but confidence sounds like a much better deal.

Digging Deeper: For a deeper look at the lives of the four men mentioned in this entry check out the following passages:

Joshua - The book of Joshua

Gideon - Judges 6-8

Peter - Acts and various passages in the gospels

Paul - Acts (starting in chapter 9) and most books in the New Testament

An extra illustration God gave me yesterday but was unable to fit in the entry:  There is a marriage illustration of the husband being the head and the wife being the neck.  He leads but she's the one who turns him in right direction.  In the bible we as the church are called the bride of Christ and as such he is the head and we are the neck.  The head still houses the brain which tells the neck where to go but if the neck is in rebellion the head cannot move.  In the same way God will not move in our lives if we are not in submission to him.  The neck is merely the pedestal that exalts the head and yet the head also relies on the neck.  God also relies on us to do our part in drawing eyes to him rather than ourselves.  He relies on us to be in unity with him so that we are going in the same direction rather than in circles.  In turn we rely on him to give us the information and nourishment we need to fulfill our callings.

To see how Paul compared the church to a body check out 1 Corinthians chapter 12:12-31.  This chapter is a great launching point for discovering your own divine calling.

Challenge: For those who want to build confidence in their lives I have an exercise for you that I use whenever I'm feeling low.  My challenge is to try it out this week and see if it helps.  If you try it out let me know in the comments.

1.Take some time to write down all the negative things you see in your self.  If you're like the majority of people in the world you are probably well aware of your own faults because you sub-consciously recite them to yourself on a daily basis.  Writing is a great way to trigger the brain into a processing and healing mode.  Acknowledging even those most petty or embarrassing issues on paper is important in moving forward.

2.After you write out your list, write over it in big letters PAID IN FULL and destroy it.  I usually rip it to shreds but on occassion I have had opportunity to burn the paper in a bonfire and that is my favorite.  The physical destruction of the paper helps to trigger the mind to let go of what was written on it.  If I'm ripping or cutting the paper I will usually do one point at a time and say a prayer over each one telling God that I am now letting go of this issue and will need his help to replace it with something of his.

3. Now write a new list of all the positive things you see in yourself.  Use words that replace the old words (ex. depression/joy, pride/humility, anxiety/courage, self-hate/confidence).  Ask God to show you what he sees in you and as you write tell yourself that these things are true of you.  You don't have to be that person some day you can can be that person today.  Remember that Jesus died so that those things on the first list would be forever forgotten.  He has already forgotten them and now you should too.

4.  Keep the list near you, choose 2 or 3 elements to focus on, find encouraging verses and leave notes around your house and car reminding you of who you really are.  Read the truth often until it becomes your mantra, memorize the verses and recite them throughout the day.  Whatever you do remember that the second list is the truth of who you are and the first is merely the lies that Satan wants to distract you with.  The more you replace pride with confidence the more those other things will melt away.

5. Act on your new identity.  Your identity makes your calling clearer and now that you've cleaned up your life enough to see it, it's time to act on it.  I'm sure you know by now that the mind is a fickle thing that changes by the day.  Things we knew yesterday are forgotten and lies we threw away sneak back in.  Action on the other hand makes those thoughts concrete.  It's a lot harder to change a mindset, once it's linked with a habit so think through some concrete things you can do to turn those positive traits into truth. (ex. want more joy - make 3 people smile, more kindness - listen to 3 peoples day w/o interruption, humility - 3 anonymous acts of kindness).

6. Repeat as needed.  Don't get discouraged or give up when the lies sneak back in just try again.  You're never a failure until you've stopped trying.

The Reason for the Season

Verse: Jesus answered, "I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the father except through me.  If you really know me, you will know my father as well.  From now on, you do know him and have seen him." - John 14:6-7

Topic:  Why should Christians care about Passover?

Personal Piece:  This week has been a bit of a roller coaster for me.  My plans have kind of gone through the ringer which always means that it's time to step out of the way and let God step in.  So I could definitely use some prayer in these coming weeks as I wait for God's answer as to whether or not I really should move to Kansas City.  I don't know what's going to happen in these next 3 months or so but I know that whatever happens God is in control and I won't be able to deny it.  In the meantime this is a perfect week for me to take some real time with Jesus.

Thought of the Week:  This week I have been really diving into the Passover both Old and New Testament practices as well as modern traditions and wow has it been eye-opening.  This week, I've learned far more than I could ever share in such a short blog post but I'll see what I can do.

Let's start with the first Passover.  Many of us have probably read the story of Moses and know about that final night in Egypt but there is so much more to it.  The first thing I learned that blew my mind was the act of putting the blood on the door.  At the time, there was an ancient practice of sacrificing an animal in the doorway of ones home and in some cases smearing the blood on the doorpost.  This act was believed to be an invitation for ones deity to enter the home.  Many Christians are familiar with the idea that the blood in the Exodus account was a way of keeping the Angel of Death out but it was far more than that.  It didn't just keep death out of their homes.  It invited Yahweh in, just in the same way that Yeshua's blood invites Yahweh into our hearts.

As the years went by, a very complex system of preparing the lamb was developed.  From the moment these lambs were born they were set apart and cared for with the sole intention of dying on the day of Passover.  Jews from all over would travel to Jerusalem to be part of this special holy-day.  For five days prior to Passover the priests would examine the lambs and make sure that they were completely flawless, for everyone knew that only a flawless lamb was worthy enough to take away ones sins.  The five days preceding what has become known as the Last Supper the pharisees tested Jesus, questioning him to be sure that he truly was the worthy sacrifice he claimed to be.

That night he broke bread with his disciples in remembrance of the Israelite deliverance from Egypt and in so doing turned Passover into something so much more.  He had celebrated 33 Passovers up to that point, but in that moment the true purpose of Passover was fulfilled.  There of course is so much more to tell about how Jesus fulfilled each of the traditional preparations of the Passover Lamb but I just don't have the time for all that.

What very few people realize is that Passover was actually the preparation day for a much larger Jewish holiday.  The Feast of Unleavened Bread was a week long occasion.  In remembrance of the Israelites quick departure from Egypt the people ate bread with no yeast in it and spent the days before Passover removing all the leaven from their house as a sort of cleansing ritual.  Over time yeast came to represent sin so it was fitting that Jesus would die and be buried at the start of the feast in which the people removed 'sin' from their homes.

The week ended with a third holiday in which the Jewish people presented the first fruits of their harvests to Yahweh.  It was believed that if Yahweh accepted the first fruits that he would accept the entire harvest.  That year First Fruits fell three days after Jesus' burial, in other words the day that he rose from the dead.  In essence Jesus was the First Fruit of the harvest of souls and his resurrection showed that Yahweh had accepted the first fruit offering and therefore had accepted the entire harvest of souls that would come after.

All of this is so mind-boggling and yet it hardly scratches the surface.  Jesus is the Lamb of God, the Bread of Life and the First Fruit of the Spirit.  And this is just three of the seven biblical feasts that the Jews celebrated.  As Christians it can be easy to write off the Jewish feasts as outdated or irrelevant to our faith but I believe they are the crux of our faith.  Passover tells of new birth, Unleavened Bread teaches us to put off the old and set ourselves apart from the world, and First Fruits teaches us to put on the new and consecrate ourselves unto God.  Whether celebrating Jesus this season through a traditional Easter service or trying something new this year by celebrating Passover, there is no better time then to remember who Jesus is and what he did.

Digging Deeper: If you are interested in learning more about Passover and the other Jewish holidays check out "Celebrating Jesus and the Biblical Feasts" by Dr. Richard Booker.

Challenge: Whether you are celebrating Passover or Easter take the time to meditate of the sacrifice of Jesus this week.  This holiday season is a time for putting off the old and putting on the new so take some time to meditate on what that means for your life.  Whether it be preparing a traditional Sedar meal for your family, inviting some friends over for a time of worship, volunteering to help someone in need, taking a special communion, watching a Passover movie, painting eggs (which actually does have strong symbolism for Judaism and is a main part of the Passover meal) or even doing an Easter hunt (the Jews would do a leaven hunt prior to Passover and even hide crumbs around the house for children to find).  Whatever you choose to do this season, make sure Jesus is the Reason for the Season.

A Writers Journey

Verse:  But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful. - Psalms 68:3

Topic: Why am I not more happy even though I'm a Christian?

Personal Piece:  So I've been waiting for the right time to tell my story and I think that this week is the week to tell it.  By that I mean the story of how I came to be the person I am today with all the good, the bad and the ugly.  I know there are some within my own family who have not even heard the fullness of this story so I'd like to share it here.  That said this post may be longer than normal.

Thought of the Week:  Like many young people in this day in age I struggled with depression for many years but my experience with depression started at a far earlier age than most.  I was born into a Christian family so I knew what Christians were supposed to look like and yet I could never live up to that picture.  I don't remember the exact moment my self-esteem plummeted but I do know that the night I accepted Jesus into my heart I was too scared to tell my parents because I was afraid they would be upset that I hadn't gone up to the alter when they had asked earlier that night.  I was only 4 years old.  My whole life changed when I was 8 years old and we changed both houses and churches and since I was homeschooled my entire friend group changed.  The years between 8 and 12 are not nearly as clear to me as those prior.  I remember a lot of yelling and hurtful words but mostly I remember the fear.  The fear that I was becoming exactly like my father and that if others found out they would reject me.  So instead of facing that rejection I hid in my room and escaped to the other worlds I could find in books, music and eventually video games and pulled deep within myself to hide the anger.  During that time I frequently begged God to come and rescue me from the pain of living or else just give me one true friend.

Though I didn't realize it at the time, God has not ceased to answer that prayer and I have never had a shortage of friends, though I'm still waiting for him to bring the type of friend my heart truly longs for.  The first answer to this prayer came in a kid named Aaron who I was instantly attracted to. He was the first kid at my new church who actually acknowledged my existence and stood up for me against the other guys.  Soon I was a regular part of their group. Three years later Aaron told me I needed to back off but that exact same day was the day that my old best friend returned to my life and kept my heart from shattering.  Haley was outspoken and had spent a lot of time with the wrong group of people during our years apart.  She was boy crazy and could hardly handle the single life. 
Though Haley was not the ideal friend she was the only person who had grown up inside the walls I had built.  I trusted her.  But the fear and the anger were still there waiting for the ideal moment to pounce.  I still hadn't dealt with the sickness only the symptoms.

               

When I was 14 I had my first real conversation with God.  It was the first time I really heard God's voice and it was the first time I felt a divine burden for the people of the world and I wanted to do something about it.  Though there were still many years of healing ahead of me, I had a direction to go and knew beyond a shadow of doubt that I was made to help people.  Two months later Aaron came back into my life and wasted no time in asking me out.  Over the next 3 years I plummeted deeper into depression as guilt started to overwhelm me.  I loved Aaron and he had always been there for me in ways that others never had but deep in my heart I knew that he wasn't the man I was going to marry and for three years I wrestled with God.  Between anger and guilt and a serious lack of self-esteem I was practically paralyzed with fear and pulled the man who loved me through the ringer.  He held a level of patience that I had never experienced before and even that scared me.  I was still certain that if he ever saw the true extent of my anger he would leave and since I didn't have the strength to break up myself, I sabotaged the relationship until he fell out of love with me and broke it off himself.

I moved to Missouri 7 months later to start college.  It was an easy escape and I fully believed everything would change.  I immediately fell for a guy who was 4 years older than me.  He was experienced and manipulative and I was naive and hurting.  I knew in my heart that it was just a rebound relationship and that he didn't even really like me but I went along with.  Thankfully God brought me to my senses right in the knick of time.  But when Corey realized I wasn't going to give him anything he pulled away.  But not before he had taken everything I understood about God and the Holy Spirit and trampled it in the mud.  It took me 5 years to unravel the lies he had told me and determine what I believed again.  During that time I found my self-worth in my education.  I could get good grades with half the effort of others and was able to manage a full class schedule and a part time job.  It made others jealous and that brought me a small sliver of happiness.

2012 started a three year period of loss.  I lost my grandmother and my school and many of my friends.  My best friend of 21 years got married and then had an affair 6 months later and then I lost her too.  When I graduated my dreams of moving to Arizona were dashed when I was told I needed a masters.  Right as I was getting close to my mom my brother got kicked out of school and consumed all her time.  The final straw came when my parents announced they were moving which threw off my ability to finish my degree and then I was fired and my parents told me I couldn't come with them.  I felt completely lost and for the first time in my life seriously considered ending everything.  I hated myself and it seemed like I was just a burden to everyone else.  I hardly even knew who God was anymore and he sure didn't seem to have much to say to me.  The encounters I had with him were so weak and the rage I felt towards him was nothing short of blasphemous.

Then everything changed.  That night I reached the end of my rope, after 22 years I finally ran out of options and then God stepped in.  That night I had a dream of walking through the dark hallways of a prison.  The cells were empty but the darkness was oppressive.  And yet I was not alone, something was there in the darkness with me, a presence that was guiding me confidently through the darkness. Then I rounded a corner and came into a room filled with the most beautiful light I have ever seen.  It filled the room and shone off the freshly carved tables and chairs that filled the room.  Two large windows filled the room but there was no glass.  The world beyond was filled with brambles and thorns but inside that room I was safe.  When I woke God told me clear as day that I was getting ready to come out of the darkness and find the healing I had been longing for.  And he has not failed to uphold that promise.

It has been a long journey that is far from completed and I still have to face struggles but I know who I am now and who God is.  Now that I've encountered him and seen his light I could never go back to that darkness.  My prayer for those who read this and hear my story is that you will step back and learn to recognize God's hand in your life.  That you will learn to recognize God's voice and learn that happiness and joy are vastly different.  No matter what your story or what you've been through, your story has value.  I spent many years of my life believing that my story was not worth telling because I was not delivered from drugs or promiscuity.  Those things aren't necessary to tell a good story.  If you are not the same person you were 10, 5 or even 1 year ago then you have a story to tell.  If God has touched your life or changed your path then you have a story to tell.  So go out and tell it.

Digging Deeper: Depression effects 2.8 million teenagers and 14.8 million adults.  70% of teenagers will suffer from multiple bouts of depression before they turn 18.  30% of those teenagers will also struggle with substance abuse and many struggle with a low social life, trouble at school or work, higher risk of pregnancy or STD's, physical illness and thoughts of suicide.  Only 33% of people who struggle with depression ever seek help.

For more information on depression and recovery check out "Moving Beyond Depression", "Turning your Down into Up", or "5 Keys to Dealing with Depression" by Gregory Jantz

If you are struggling with depression please seek help.  Your pastor is a good place to start but if the problem has persisted for longer than a month you should seriously consider getting help from a professional counselor.  There is no shame in getting help, only courage.  It takes serious strength to seek help and keep living rather than take the easy way out.  Don't do it alone, even the healthiest people need others to lean on when things get hard.

Challenge:  A few weeks ago I challenged you to write out your story, today I'm going to challenge you to share it with someone.  Tell your story and what God has done in your life.  Use it as an opportunity to tell someone about Jesus.  Make sure you take the time to hear their story too.  If they're unsure what to say, ask them to tell you two or three things that have shaped the person they are today.  If possible pray for them.  But most of all show them the love of Christ.