I have watched this cry of desperation take the lives of some and almost claim the lives of others. I have seen that pain etched on the skin of far too many and reflected in the dull gaze of far more lost souls. It seems everywhere I turn I see and hear of nothing but death. Under every "I'm Fine" there seems to hide a cry of "Save Me." Then an ARMY rises up and starts screaming a message of Love Yourself loud enough for the entire world to hear and it is beautiful! But every thing of beauty has to be greeted by something ugly to show just how beautiful it is. When I take my eyes off social media for two seconds the people standing in front of me seem to be filled with hate or at the very least confusion. In addition to confusion as to why I would be interested in listening to foreign music I have heard a few doubts that I am losing my way.
I find this laughable since I have never been the fan girl type. I have never in my life hung boy band posters in my room, written fan fiction or spent half a paycheck on a cardboard cutout (no hate to those who have. 😘) and I have no intent to start now. I haven't changed. I absolutely loathe anything having to with mainstream and I don't pick my passions easily. But if there is one thing I am passionate about it's identity! The need for identity is something that is etched deep on each of our hearts and it is something I have dedicated my life to since I was a mere middle schooler checking out psychology and self-help books at my local library. I didn't know then where that road would lead me. It led me into public school my junior year of high school, to Central Bible College, to Hearlight and now for some reason that I still don't quite understand that search has brought me to BTS. To a Korean group that is literally saving lives with their music.
No I don't care if their music is another language because everyday I am scrolling through comments of lives that have been saved. In fact, in a way I cannot explain other than to say it is God, their music has stirred more prayers from my heart than any other music (aside from probably Misty Edwards) not only for those boys who are literally carrying the weight of the entire world on their shoulders but also for those who have turned on their music and decided to live another day.
Now I know some of you are already cheering along with this message and I appreciate your support but this message is really not for you. You are already convinced. For those of you who still aren't don't worry I'm not trying to get you on the BTS band wagon. Gross! Like I said I'm not a fan girl (except around my sister, she always seems to bring out the "Best of Me" 😉) But I've had the doubts too. Anyone who knows me knows that Jesus is the breath in my lungs, the blood in my veins, the one who saved my life and showed me the light (quite literally) and gave me freedom. If he's my wings, hope and first love, then they can't be and I can't be there's. So how can I get behind a group that promotes self-love? How could I when the love of my life has already told me to love others MORE than myself?
All my life I have had the Golden Rule quoted at me by far too many people on far too many occasions. "Love your neighbor, love your neighbor, love your neighbor." I'm not saying I disagree with them but the second part is always left as an afterthought: "As you love yourself." How can I love others if I have not learned to love myself as God loves me. Yes, we should love other's more than ourselves because love is never more pure than when it is based on a foundation of humility. But somewhere along the lines humility got confused with self-loathing and self-love got confused with arrogance.
As my all-time favorite author states in his novel Eyes Wide Open "You cannot love anything or anyone more than you love yourself and you can't truly love yourself unless you see yourself whole. If you secretly disapprove of any part of yourself, you will secretly hate part of the ONE who made you...The good news is, you can love yourself because you, too, are now love, dead to anything but love. Everything else is of your own making: a lie you believe; a story from an accuser that ravages you and keeps you locked in that cage. Love yourself, as he who made you loves you and has made you whole, without any further blame or fault. See with new eyes. Then you will know just how beautiful your world is now. All of it. Every, scar, every bruise, every tear, every joy. Beautiful." (For more of Ted Dekker's writing on the "Forgotten Way" and "The Way of Love" click here!)
As with anything there must always be a balance. On the flip side of this hate toward the "Love Yourself" Movement, I have seen hate from those within the movement itself. Love that has turned into selfishness and has led to the rejection of anyone who doesn't agree with them. People who have turned against their Christian parents, brothers, sisters and the church itself because they have felt nothing but judgment from those claiming to love them. They have chosen to pay this hate in kind because they have declared that "no one has the right to tell me how to live." rather than letting love guide them.
This morning I read a passage in 1 Corinthians that I have probably read a thousand times but today it really struck me: "If [someone] invites you [to their home] and you want to go, [partake in] whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. But if someone says to you 'this [goes against what I believe]' then do not eat it, [touch it, say it, listen to it, or watch it], both for the sake of the one who [holds the conviction] and for the sake of conscience. I am referring to the other person's conscience, not yours. For why is my freedom being judged by another's conscience? If I take part in [what they offer] in thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?" (1 Cor 10:27-30)
Loving ourselves and finding freedom, does not mean that others can't or shouldn't have expectations of us or hold us accountable to a higher calling. When we love ourselves and are confident in who God has declared us to be as his son or daughter, then their own convictions do not have to be seen as an attack against us. Loving ourselves means having room to love others because you're not always on the defense. It means being able to see the unique qualities of others because you have learned to see your own and their uniqueness is no longer threatening. It means not trying to force others into the box of sameness out of fear that their shine will outshine yours. It means realizing that not everyone has discovered freedom as you have and having compassion for their journey.
Loving others means helping others learn to love themselves and sometimes sacrificing our own freedoms for the sake or their journey. Sometimes we have to put on a mask not out of hypocrisy but for the sake of another's journey. "There are hundreds of me’s inside of me. I’m facing a new me again today. It’s all me anyway. So instead of worrying, I’m just gonna run" this race "in such a way as to get the prize" (Idol by BTS and 1 Cor 9:24). We must take a new perspective. We must teach our hearts that the opposite of love is not hate it is fear and judgment comes from a heart of fear. Before we cast judgments toward those who judge us we must ask ourselves why we judge, why we fear? I have found that more often than not the answer is that we all love but not all have learned how to express it.
So let's learn to love ourselves "Not so perfect but so beautiful" so that we can learn to love others and "shine our precious souls" (Epiphany by BTS)
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