What's in a Name?

Verse: Now this I know: The Lord gives victory to his anointed...Some trust in chariots and some in horses but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. - Psalms 20:6-7

Topic: How can God be love when there is so much pain in the world?

Personal Piece:  Just last night I was browsing through a variety of old files that I've saved on my computer over the years.  Different book ideas, exercises and assignments.  A large collection of characters and scenes that had long since been forgotten and many of which will never make it further than my forgotten archives.  But there are a handful of files that I often find myself coming back to when I want to be reminded of how far I've come.  One of these is a poem I wrote last May and it tells about a 7 year period in my life when life was far from perfect.  I grew up in a Christian home but what I heard at church didn't always seem to line up with what my life was telling me.  I expected things to be perfect but they weren't.  I felt betrayed and angry and I questioned how God could possibly be love.  This is what he showed me...

Thought of the Week: Have you ever been struck by the complexity of Jesus.  He is fully man and fully human.  He loves but he's also judge.  He is natural and supernatural, physical and spiritual. Trying to understand him is like trying to dive to the deepest parts of an endless ocean.  It's impossible and dangerous but also thrilling and exciting.  There is so much of God that we will literally NEVER know everything about him.  Not even when the veil is removed and we are living in our new bodies.  If we can't even know everything there is to know about him in all of eternity, what makes us think that we will know everything about him in the mere 80+ years we will be on this earth.

I think a lot of times we get this idea of a super sensitive God who needs us.  Whether it be to boost his ego, or protect his name, or change the world we get this idea that God is as limited as we are. The truth is God doesn't need us, he wants us.  He wants us to worship him because he is worthy and holy yes but also because he knows how he created us and he created us to only find wholeness in unity with him.  He doesn't JUST want worship for his sake but for ours too because he loves us and wants us to be whole.  He doesn't need us to protect his name, he's big enough to take it and not above striking people dead for their blasphemy.  But it does his fatherly heart proud to hear one of his precious children defend him.  He absolutely loves partnering with us.  It's why he created us.

Throughout the Bible we see story after story of people who followed God closely, some even walking side by side with the Messiah himself and yet there were moments they struggled to fully understand what God was doing because ultimately they didn't understand what God was.  He is and always has been love.  Everything he has ever done has been love.  In the midst of our trials and pains we might look and say "it doesn't look like love from here" but that is only because in our limited understanding we cannot even fully understand love.  If we understood love then we would understand God and if we can't understand God then we will never fully understand love.

This sounds discouraging, many people might read this and think, "then what's the point?  If I can't ever find the answer then what's the point of trying?"  Those who ask this question are missing out on a serious adventure.  A relationship, any relationship, isn't about making it to some end goal and then moving on (although the divorce statistics seem to say otherwise).  A real relationship is about achieving goals and completing milestones together.  Some are big and some are small but the idea is that you did it together.  And when you complete one you create another, constantly going from goal to goal with no intention of it ever ending.  And that's what makes it exciting!

With God it is no different, except it really will never end (apart from us walking away) and just think how boring that would be if there was a knowledge cap to who God is.  If we could reach the end of him then eternity wouldn't sound very exciting.  Thousands of years ago a man named Jacob got into a physical wrestling match with God himself.  This story has always been encouraging to me because it reminds me that God is not above getting into a little bit of a wrestling match.  He could have won easily, could have pulled the typical parent "Because I said so" line, but he didn't.  He had a plan but he wasn't going to force Jacob, but rather invite him.  And Jacob wasn't ready to just accept his calling without asking some questions

Something new struck me reading this story this week and that was Jacob's renaming.  After all that struggle, after pushing through a long and exhausting night and refusing to back down until he got an answer (or was blessed), God gave him a new name.  In ancient times getting a new name was equivalent to getting an entirely new identity.  Jacob means deceiver and he surely lived up to that name.  He stole his brother's birthright and blessing and through deceit and cunning he siphoned his father-in-law right out of his flocks.  But then God gave him a new name, Israel, a name that would tell any who came in contact with him that he wasn't afraid to challenge God and would stand his ground until he got an answer.

Bad things happen, we can't get away from that.  A lot of times it can seem like God has forgotten how to love.  That's never the case (remember there's an enemy out there too).  He wants to partner with us, he wants to answer our questions and he's not afraid to be challenged.  He's not afraid to come down to our level and wrestle with us all night long if that's what it takes.  Many give up, many don't want stay up all night to get an answer, many don't want to go through the labor pains.  But those who do are never the same, when we receive new revelation of God, we receive a new identity to go with it and if God is endless just imagine how many new names you will receive throughout not only this life but the eternity to follow.

Digging Deeper:  The story of Jacob struggling with God is found in Genesis 32:22-32.  A few other stories of people who struggled with God are the stories of Peter rebuking Jesus (Matthew 16:21-28), The parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:21-35), and Joseph in Egypt (Genesis 39-41)

For more about Jewish naming check out "Breaking the Jewish Code" by Perry Stone.  In addition to Jacob (Israel), both Abram (Abraham) and Simon (Peter) were also renamed by God in addition to others.

For more about the enemy of God check out my first entry on this blog "Your place in His-story"

I just want to drop this sentence here again because it was a revelation that came to me literally as I was writing the words and it blew my mind: "If we understood love then we would understand God and if we can't understand God then we will never fully understand love."

For those interested in the poem testimony I referenced above here it is:

The Year May Finally Brought Spring

April showers bring May flowers at least that’s what people say.

But for me it always brought kisses and tears and a love gone far, far away.

May is supposed to bring sunshine and warmth and the promise of a summer day.

But for me it was always dark and cold and a summer somehow turned grey.

Seven years have come and gone since that first May brought me such bliss.

I had loved him since nine but was surprised to find that I had become someone he missed.

As the passion grew stronger and our hearts became fonder it became harder and harder not to kiss.

Then the day came and our hearts played no games on that bench where convictions called quits.

The guilt overcame me, three years had unmade me, and I slowly fell into the abyss.

The next May was no different, though our hard summer had restored us anew.

We had hoped we could do better, my guilt I bid not to enter and instead we gave love its due.

But in a dream God had warned me, this boy’s love was not for me but instead to our love I was true.

Our plane had crashed once but I couldn’t care less the second would have to come too.

He had promised a dance but prom wasn’t our chance instead I was left feeling blue.

2011 brought life started fresh as I left behind that great mess, in college I arrived safe and sound.

No parents, no rules, I didn’t even need Jesus, instead a false sense of freedom was found.

And then someone new came along, his words drew me in and in pain I accepted a rebound.

He couldn’t compare, I knew that fair and square but to his lust I soon became bound.

When his kiss left me empty and he couldn’t get more he dropped me alone on the ground.

May of 2012 brought heartbreak brand new but this one caused not by a man but a thing.

My school was now dying, what horrible timing, I felt numb trying to hide from the sting.

That May brought more pain but still not any rain as the tears refused the relief they would bring

Once I had dreams but those were starting to fade as my hope fell away with the spring.

And if that weren’t enough, life would do me one better by putting a wall between me and my King.

In ’13 I was still hurting from a death I had never expected.

How could he take her? Couldn’t he see just how much we’d be affected?

But I couldn’t even mourn her for my school was still torn here and so my tears were neglected.

Our school was no more though they tried to assure it was obvious we weren’t really respected

Then I came home and she was still gone and I knew it for sure then, my pain they never suspected.

May 2014 should have brought some relief and it did to a smallish extent.

Graduation at last, I couldn’t believe I had passed but far from the day I had dreamt.

Still I had found family at work and at church and my suitemate had become someone to vent.

Saying goodbye was still hard and going home was much harder, no one could know my descent.

“God, it’s getting harder, please tell me how much longer!  Don’t you know that I’m totally spent?”

Then came ’15 the worst year of them all, my parents had determined to move

Then I was fired and became even more tired as I slowly fell out of the groove

Life became darker the pain became sharper there was no reason to believe life would improve.

Death looked much better, life had lost to the pressure perhaps it would be better if I was removed.

God seemed even farther, my hate became larger for both him and for those who demand I improve.

Then came a summer I will never forget, they left that couldn’t be stopped.

But God had some plans I could never expect, of them I was left completely shocked.

My heart couldn’t take it so battered and bruised, from his love my heart had been locked.

He wanted me I just couldn’t see it, so much pain had left my soul blocked.

But then a new dream was placed in my heart of a life I could never concoct.

He led me through darkness and through winding halls until into new freedom we walked.

The tears sprang anew for the first time in ages, the losses once buried now unlocked.

He wanted to bring healing, I never imagined how much, it was time to open up when he knocked.

Another May just passed I never thought it would be different but for once my heart’s not afraid.

Love’s come and gone and my heart’s still been broken but his love will never betray.

Seven years of loss it can be hard to let go but I’m fine when I’m in God’s embrace.

He’ll never let me down, on him I can lean, spring has finally come and my heart is truly ablaze.

Challenge: We all go through struggles and hit moments where we're not sure where God is leading us.  So what are you wrestling with right now?  If you haven't done so already, dedicate some time to really sit and struggle through the issue.  Tell God that you won't move on until he has blessed you (given you an answer).  And keep in mind that he is giving you a new identity and a new name (it doesn't matter how many names he has given you before) and don't stop until that identity is made clear to you.